


Whore

by PiercetheCas



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Mental Illness, Rape, STD, Self Harm, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-14 15:36:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 24,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiercetheCas/pseuds/PiercetheCas
Summary: Vic Fuentes is the school whore, always bringing guys home, letting whoever wants to have sex with him because it makes him feel, makes him feel cared about.Kellin was supposed to be a one night stand but Vic realizes he might become so much more and it's terrifying.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is on Wattpad as well but due to recent issues with plagiarism I am posting fics here as well now to try and deter that.  
> -Cas

Vic ran the gloss over his lips, looking at himself in the mirror before he decided that he looked good enough, looked hot enough. 

He wore a pair of short shorts that showed off the curve of his ass, the waist going right up to his belly button, the shiny piercing viewable since he was wearing a simple black crop top.

He had even made sure to straighten his hair, they always seemed to liked his hair better straight.

"Victor! You cannot go out like that!" His mother shouted but he just put his ear buds in and walked out, letting the sound of that bass carry him away as he walked towards the spot.

The spot was where he told people to meet him so they could go somewhere and fuck.

His parents knew, how could they not? There were pictures of him on everyone's phone, pictures of him on his knees, his back, hands and knees.

He swayed his hips while he walked, but if felt forced, like he was trying to be someone else, so he stopped, settling for just walking normally.

He sighed when he got to the spot under the bridge and there was a car there. 

Someone stepped out and Vic couldn't even remember their name, but he remembered what he wanted.

"I want you to take it from behind for me, after you get on those pretty little knees of course."

Vic smiled, pushing all his thoughts to the back of his head before walking over to the car, surprised when the guy instantly pulled him in for a harsh kiss, pressing his hips against the hood of the car and Vic flinched when he forced Vic's back down against the hood.

"Let get this over with baby." He slurred and Vic winced, the man was drunk.

He was dangerous.

He pressed his lips onto Vic's making Vic press his body into the car as he tries to get away.

"Stay still whore!" The man growled before palming the front of Vic's jeans, laughing when Vic started to get hard.

"What a slut, taking it in the open, anyone can see." He taunted before yanking hid own jeans down followed by Vic's. 

"Get off me! Leave me the fuck alone!" Vic shouted as he twisted his body, desperately trying to get away but the man was strong, holding Vic's hips down as he lined himself up making Vic's eyes widen.

He'd never taken it dry before.

Whatever thoughts he had before disappeared when the man thrust in, not giving Vic any time to adjust before he was thrusting frantically.

Vic bit down on the skin of his hand, tears falling down his cheeks and strangled sobs escaping his mouth.

The pain was like no other he'd felt before, a stinging sensation filling him and his eyes wouldn't close, staring up at the sky in shock.

The man eventually came inside him, lips meeting Vic's as he did but Vic couldn't bring himself to care, not even when the man shoved him to the ground, pants still around his ankles.

Vic had said that they would go to a hotel, they'd use a condom and lube.

Why hadn't he listened?

Vic slowly pulled his jeans up, wincing at the foreign pain that filled him and he started to limp home, letting his hair fall in front of his eyes as he walked, feeling liquid staining the back of his jeans and Vic wasn't sure if it was the man's cum or his own blood.

He wasn't sure which he wanted it to be.

When he finally got home, his mom shook her head, obviously knowing what he did, but she'd never know the full story.

"Sit down for dinner Victor." She muttered before walking away, disappointed.

Vic always disappointed everyone and he was sick of it.

When he walked in the dining room, he noticed that his brother and father were already seated, his father glaring at him, staring at the sliver of flesh visible between his shirt and jeans, so Vic pulled the hem of his shirt down as he sat, tears still building behind his eyes, he gasped at the pain that shot up his spine when he sat, the chair adding pressure to his sore lower back.

He didn't meet anyone's eyes during dinner, he just pushed his food around until he decided if he stayed any longer he would just break down in front of his family, so he excused himself, ignoring the way his stomach protested.

Once he was in his room, he slid his clothes off and stood in front of the mirror in just his lacy underwear, staring at the hand shaped bruises on his hips and the blood dotting his thighs.

Shower.

He needed a shower.


	2. Two

Everyone at school seemed to pick on Vic, teasing him for the way he walked, the way he dressed, teasing him for the pictures everyone had on their phones.

He couldn't even go to the bathroom without someone tripping him or pushing him into a locker.

They all hated him until they needed a good fuck, then they ran to him, treating him like an object.

Even the teachers knew, often wrinkling their nose when Vic walked in the room, not quite meeting his eyes.

Why would they?

He sat in the back of every class, keeping his head low, ignoring the slips of paper on his desk asking him for sex, he'd deal with them later.

He couldn't focus on the essay he was supposed to be writing, pain still filling his body and he just felt so sick, he wanted to go home.

The last time he had left early was because he had been forced to suck some guy off in the bathroom and he felt so dirty. But his father just yelled at him and added a new bruise to his body.

So Vic stayed at school, unable to ignore the way one guy in particular was staring at him with wide blueish green eyes that captivated Vic, but he frowned when he realized he probably just wanted to fuck Vic.

Vic turned his head away, trying to focus on his work but someone sat down next to him, that fucking boy.

"What do you want?" Vic mumbled, preparing himself for whatever dirty thing the boy wanted him to do.

"Shouldn't you ask my name first?" He asked, head tilted as his black hair drifted in front of his eyes.

"No." Vic snapped, fingers started to twitch a bit.

"Why not?" The boy asked and Vic groaned, why did he have to be so annoying?

"Because, I can call you other things that are a lot hotter." Vic whispered in the boy's ear, even letting his lips linger on the skin.

"Um, why would you want to do that?" The boy asked as he pushed Vic back a little.

Vic looked at him in shock, no one had ever refused him before, he felt so low.

He wasn't even good enough to be a whore.

"I'm Kellin." The boy, Kellin, said and Vic nodded before looking away, "You're Vic, right?"

"Mhm." Vic mumbled and Kellin smiled at him before resting a hand on his thigh.

And there it is.

Vic perked up and smirked at Kellin, letting Kellin's hand roam up his thigh slowly, making it's way to the waistband of his shorts.

"You're really pretty Vic." Kellin whispered, keeping his hand on Vic's stomach and Vic subconsciously sucked his stomach in, feeling nervous because no one ever touched him so gently without expecting him to do something and he didn't want to relieve the beating his dad had given him the last time pictures circulates around town of him on his hands and knees. 

Vic looked away and picked up his pencil, scribbling down a few lines for the essay prompt.

Write about a time in your life when you felt defeated and describe what you did to get past the obstacles.

Vic knew what to write about but he knew it'd only make his teacher hate him even more so he came up with a bullshit story, saying he got over his parent's divorce.

Vic wished his mom would divorce his father but the two were so in love that the beatings he gave Vic and Mike late at night couldn't change it. 

Kellin moved his hand, looking at Vic with a strange expression before he slipped a piece of paper on his desk.

' Meet me by the pond outside school at 3'

Vic sighed, his reputation would never leave him, everyone thought he'd just do what they wanted when they wanted.

Even with that in mind, Vic still knew that he'd go, let Kellin fuck him and start the cycle the next day because he could.

It made him feel, made him feel like someone actually wanted him, even if it was only for thirty minutes, it was better than nothing.

His dad hated him, hated the fact that Vic had 'ruined their reputation', so he made sure to show Vic just how disappointed he was by letting his belt and fists cut into his flesh.

His mother ignored him, choosing to pretend that he didn't exist, pretending she never noticed the way he never ate and always limped.

His brother was rarely home, hiding away with his boyfriend, Tony, and Vic really couldn't blame him, but Vic was jealous.

Vic had a lot of sex, a lot. But none of them loved him, none of them cared about him.

He just wanted to be loved for once.


	3. Three

When the end of the school day rolled around, Vic hated himself for heading to the small pond instead of home, and sure enough, there was Kellin.

When Kellin saw Vic walking towards him, he smiled and waved, motioning for Vic to come sit on a small bench with him, so small their thighs rubbed together a bit making Vic feel a bit nervous.

Kellin never said what he wanted.

"Hey Vic, how are you?" Kellin asked and Vic wanted to groan because he was one of those types, the type who acts so nice but really just wants Vic to bend over.

"So, what do you want Kellin?" Vic asked, letting his hand rest on Kellin's thigh.

"Glad you asked whore."

Whore. Whore. Whore.

The word circulated around his head and made his eyes fill with tears which was so fucking stupid, so he bit his lip and swallowed.

"Uh, so what do you want me to do?" Vic stammered and Kellin just smirked before forcing Vic's lips to his and Vic hated how good Kellin's lips felt against his own.

"Let me take you on a date." Kellin whispered and Vic pulled away from him, eyes wide and unbelieving.

"Nice one, now tell me how you want me." Vic sassed, staring at Kellin who tilted his head.

"I want you, at the park tonight so we can walk under the stars together." Kellin told him and Vic laughed at loud at that one, Kellin sounded so fake.

Yeah right.

"Really? You're not fooling me." Vic muttered as he looked away from Kellin who grabbed his chin roughly.

"Good, now I want you to come with me, now." Kellin ordered and Vic was scared but then Kellin grabbed his hand and that shouldn't have comforted him as much as it did.

Kellin made him walk for what felt like forever until they reached a secluded area of the park, and Vic wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when Kellin forced him to his knees, hands gripping Vic's hair hard, too hard.

Kellin forced Vic's face even closer to his crotch and Vic frowned as he fought against Kellin's hands, but Kellin just shuffled his jeans down and ordered Vic to 'get to work'.

Vic's eyes widened when Kellin forced him to take Kellin all the way in his mouth, Vic gagged a bit, tears dripping down his nose and Kellin frowned before pulling Vic off.

"Get up." He whispered, hauling Vic to his feet, even wiping away the spit that had started to gather on Vic's lips.

"Let me get you off Kellin." Vic said and it sounded like he was begging, asking Kellin to just have his way with him before throwing him away.

"I can't Vic, just go home." Kellin muttered as he buttoned his jeans back up, feeling so terrible for how he had treated Vic, he'd been just like all the others.

"Please, let me help you, I can even let you fuck me." Vic pleaded and Kellin's heart broke for Vic, but he shook his head no anyways and walked away, leaving Vic standing in the park, tears on his cheeks as he felt lower than ever, and more confused than he had been in a while.

He couldn't breathe, so confused and overwhelmed as he stood there.

No one had ever rejected him, especially not after coming onto him like that, they all just used Vic and left, no one had ever just left. 

They always wanted something, Kellin had but he had stopped and Vic didn't know why.

Vic was a whore, only good for sex, that's what everyone told him.

And then he realized, he hadn't been good enough for Kellin, he had looked so disappointed when Vic had tried to give him a blow job, Vic wasn't even good enough to be a whore.

Tears were still falling down his cheeks as he gasped for air, hating the fact that he was breaking down in a public park.

He rubbed his face before he walked home and he didn't eat dinner, just walked to his room and sat down at his desk, angrily writing down lyrics that would make no sense later but helped him calm down in the moment. 

His tears dripped onto the paper and he couldn't take it anymore, so he went to his bathroom and took a melatonin pill so he could finally, maybe get some rest.


	4. Four

Vic was scared, terrified to go to school the next day because bed see Kellin, who would complain about how bad he had been. How much of a tease he'd been.

He told his mother his stomach hurt but she told him he had to go to school anyways.

It wasn't a lie, his stomach did hurt, nerves making it twist until he was almost gasping in pain as his whole body seemed to tremble.

And he wasn't even at school yet.

He drove to school, Mike sitting in the seat beside him but they never talked, Mike just looking out the window.

Vic remembered the time Mike had complained because he didn't want to be seen with 'the school whore'.

Vic sighed at the thought and when he finally saw his school come into sight, he wanted to throw up.

Mike got out first, running away like normal, ashamed of Vic and Vic didn't blame him.

He was ashamed of himself. 

Vic made sure to keep his head down as he walked to class and his cheeks flamed when he saw Kellin, who wouldn't even look at him.

Vic was sure he'd already told all his friends what happened, how Vic got on his knees in a fucking park.

Vic felt sick, stomach churning and he had to race to the nearest bathroom to throw up.

His knees hurt as they pressed against the cold tile and he felt so pathetic as he hunched over the toilet, wanting toilet cry when the bell rang.

His father had told him if he was ever late to class he'd get a beating, Vic already felt weak enough without that, body alreadt aching.

Tears filled his eyes as he threw up again, bile spewing from his lips and he felt so dirty, so disgusting.

He flushed the toilet, using a wad of toilet paper toilet clean his mouth and he just sat there and cried, too ashamed to walk to first mod, so scared of what his dad would do that evening.

Vic's eyes clenched shut as the familiar feeling of panic filled him, chest feeling tight and his hands were shaking as thoughts and imaged flashed through his mind.

Images of his father taking his belt off, folding it in half as he stared at Vic with cold eyes.

Images of all the times Vic had let all those guys do so many things to him.

Images of Kellin making him get on his knees.

Vic couldn't breathe, choking and gasping and he wanted to scream when he felt a pair of arms wrap around hin, but he couldn't even get in enough air to make any noise, so he settled for tensing up and leaning away from whoever it was as tears poured down his cheeks.

"Vic? You've gotta calm down sweetheart." Vic knew that voice. Kellin.

Vic started shaking even harder, why was Kellin in the bathroom? Why was he comforting Vic?

Kellin's arms were holding Vic tightly and he even reached up to wipe away his tears as they fell out.

"Just breathe Vic, please." Kellin whispered as he pressed a hand to Vic's ribcage, trying to make him breathe, but Vic was so terrified.

Vic eventually stopped panicking, feeling so exhausted afterwards, eyes drooping and his body was weak against Kellin's, breathing slow.

Kellin ran his fingers through Vic's hair and he noticed the way Vic flinched away.

"Don't hurt me." He whimpered, body pulling away from Kellin's as he struggled to stand.

"I won't Vic. I'm so sorry about everything." Kellin said sincerely but Vic let out a hollow laugh as he splashed water on his face.

"You're not sorry, sorry you didn't finish maybe, but not sorry for what you did." Vic snapped, eyes gard and if it wasn't for the redness of his eyes and the way his hands trembled, Kellin would say he looked stronger than he ever had before.

"I should have never done that." Kellin repeated and he looked guilty but Vic didn't care.

"You raped me, you forced me to get on my fucking knees and you think sorry is gonna fix it?" Vic laughed, the sound so broken that Kellin flinched a bit, he sounded so dead and Kellin was beyond worried, but he couldn't stop Vic from turning around and walking out the door, and Kellin had a bad feeling about it, but there was nothing he could do.


	5. Five

Vic's father was so angry, more than even Vic had been expecting.

As soon as Vic got home, his father made him go straight up to his room, sending a harsh glare his way that made Vic wince and fear start to pool in his gut.

His father didn't come up for a while, which gave Vic plenty of time to think which is the last thing he wanted to do.

He thought about how Kellin had acted so nice, it had to be a lie, just a mask for him to wear so he could get Vic in bed.

That's how it always seemed to work anyways.

Vic sat at his desk, hands shaking and stomach turning as he waited for his father who took his time, wanting Vic to feel terrified, wanted him to know that he was in charge, not Vic.

Vic already knew that though, but his father didn't care, didn't care that the beatings he gave only made Vic panic, made him feel so low, worthless.

His own father didn't care, why would anyone else?

Vic flinched when he heard footsteps outside his door, his father opening his door quickly before shutting it again, he never liked for Vic's mother to hear what he did.

His belt was already curled around his fist and Vic knew what to do, knew to lay over the end of his bed, jeans down, hands gripping his blanket tightly.

His father never spoke during punishments, just let his belt do the talking, let the pain remind Vic of his bad behavior.

Each hit seemed to hurt worse than the last, pain making Vic clench his teeth and tears filled his eyes but he refused to let them fall, even when the buckle slipped and hit his back, liquid oozing from the cut it made and Vic shivered.

He hated when his father drew blood. That normally meant it would scar, people would see and mock him for it.

He wouldn't be able to have sex with anyone for a few weeks until it healed and just like every other time, rumors would start.

Maybe he has an std. Maybe he took it too hard. Maybe, maybe. Maybe.

No one ever asked Vic, just laughed at him, pushing him and making his clothes dig into his wounds that no one ever saw besides his dad.

Vic wasn't sure how long it went on, the belt carving lines into his flesh and tears stained his blanket after he couldn't hold them in any longer.

It was times like those that Vic wanted to die, wanted to just go in his bathroom and drown himself, wanted to end it all. The worst part was he was convinced no one would miss him, why would they though?

When his father was done, he simply told Vic to clean himself up for dinner, belt buckle dangling out of his fist and eyes hard as he slammed Vic's door shut behind him, the noise echoing through Vic's ears making him wince.

He couldn't move, pain radiating through his body, his father didn't even care that he couldn't get up and Vic knew if he stayed there, he'd earn himself another beating and he didn't want that.

He gritted his teeth and rolled over onto his side before slowly standing and tears instantly started falling so fast, vision blurring and he felt so suffocated, the pain making his stomach twist.

He coughed, the pain that came afterwards making him cry out as he stumbled towards his dresser so he could slip on a pair of sweatpants.

He whimpered when he did, the rough fabric digging into Vic's thighs and Vic gagged when he saw the cut on his back where the buckle hit him.

It was shaped just like the buckle, red and angry and Vic knew he needed to clean it but his father had taken all his first aid supplies.

"The punishment doesn't work if you get rid of the pain Victor."

Vic didn't bother eating dinner that night, just taking a few bites of rice to make his mother happy, not that she cared much about him anyways since she let his father hurt him so often.

His brother didn't even look at him, though Vic could tell he heard from his stiff demeanor and the fact that he was trying so hard to be polite so he wouldn't have to face their father's wrath like Vic had.

Vic excused himself after only fifteen minutes wincing as the pain in his thighs got even worse when he stood back up, gasping as he felt blood stick to his shirt.

"Stop being a fucking baby Victor." His father snapped and Vic's eyes instant filled with tears and he felt pathetic as he ran away, up to his room.

He always runs away from his problems.


	6. Six

They never understood why Vic couldn't have sex for periods of time after his father beat him.

They didn't know about the bruises that lined his thighs and the ache in his heart, they probably wouldn't care even if they knew.

Vic limped, muscles stiff and aching as he kept his head down, hating the fact that he had to wear baggy sweatpants to hide the bruises and he knew jeans would hurt too much against his fresh marks.

Vic let his hair fall in front of his face as he felt dread fill him for no particular reason and he just felt empty, worthless.

"What happened slut? Did your daddy fuck you too hard last night?" Someone called and Vic hated how his eyes filled with tears and his hands started to shake, it just wasn't fair.

Everyone hated him, called him names, made fun of him, but when they needed to get off, Vic was their favorite person.

Just a toy to be used and throw away once it broke.

Vic felt broken, like he was falling apart and no one cared enough to put him back together, so he decided to let himself crumble, let himself become so low, so dirty.

He didn't pay attention in class, didn't see all the concerned gazes Kellin kept throwing his way, all Vic could do was break.

He felt like he wasn't in his body and it was terrifying, he just felt so detached from reality, like he could do anything and he wouldn't feel it, wouldn't be affected.

His mind was foggy and his hands were tapping beats on his desk and he didn't notice the way that his legs were shaking so hard his desk rattled.

His eyes gradually slipped shut, only opening when the bell rang.

Vic didn't remember getting to his locker, weak body leaning against it, mind too gone to recall his combination or recognize the boy walking towards him.

He didn't even register the hands gripping his waist, the way the tears that dripped out of his eyes started staining Kellin's black shirt.

"Vic? Vic? Please look at me." Vic didn't even register that he had his eyes clenched shut and his fingernails were digging into the palms of his hands so hard they were bleeding.

Not that he cared anyways, he didn't feel it, didn't even know he was doing it and it terrified him.

His whole body felt weak, tired, more than normal and he just wanted to go sleep but Kellin was holding him so tight that he knew he wouldn't be able to just leave.

"Please don't touch me." His voice sounded as broken as he felt, lips chapped and his eyes were surrounded by dark circles that reminded Kellin of bruises.

Vic's fingers were twitching and Kellin wrapped his hand around one of Vic's hands so he would maybe calm down, but it didn't seem to work, Vic's eyes widening and his heart started to race so fast Kellin could almost feel it.

"Please, please, don't touch me." Vic repeated and his voice shook like his body, Kellin removing his grip on Vic so the small boy could lean against his locker instead, a harsh sigh ripping from his lips.

"What happened?" Kellin questioned as gently as he could, staring at Vic with such compassion that it almost hurt.

"Nothing that concerns you." Vic muttered, locking eyes with Kellin before his lip trembled a bit as he felt himself slipping, feeling like he was watching a movie as Kellin stared at him before gently helping Vic stick his textbook into his backpack.

Vic couldn't even speak, couldn't object when Kellin placed a hand on his back and lead hin out the door.

"I think we live on the same street so I can walk you home- wait- why are you limping? Who hurt you?" Kellin asked and almsot instantly Vic's world crashed down around him and he could feel the air against his skin and the feeling of Kellin's hand on his back and he felt so tense.

"No one hurt me." Vic replied with a guarded tone as he angled his body away from Kellin so he would move his hand.

"Yeah right Vic, now tell me what happened." Kellin pressed and he felt a bit bad because Vic looked scared, looked out of it, but Kellin couldn't ignore the way Vic winced with every step and he had to bite his lip to keep in small noises of pain.

"Why do you care? You hurt me too." Vic spat as he sped up, legs shaking as he waked towards his house and he wanted to scream when he realized he was still five minutes away.

"I apologized." Kellin whispered but Vic could tell from the look in Kellin's eyes that he wasn't okay with how he had treated Vic.

But the last person Vic had let in ended up spreading harsh rumors about him, ruining his life and Vic had vowed to himself years ago to never let anyone in.

He wasn't going to go back on his promise, even if he really wanted a friend.


	7. Seven

Kellin found himself being almost obsessed with Vic, watching as he walked through the halls, watching as he walked home.

Kellin wanted to make sure he was okay, needed to know that Vic was alive, not hurt like he had been such a short time ago.

Kellin regretted following Vic to the bridge, having to watch as Vic got in the car with a total stranger.

They stayed in the car for what felt like hours until Vic finally stumbled out and Kellin hated the way his hair was messy, hands gripping his shirt to his chest as he climbed out.

He slipped his shirt on and seemed to take a moment to collect himself before he walked away, limped away.

Kellin followed him slowly, watching as Vic stopped to sit on a bench and Kellin didn't like the way he seemed so out of it, his eyes were just staring at his lap and he wasn't moving.

Almost like he forgot who he was.

Vic's eyes slipped shut and Kellin watched as he slowly laid down on the bench and Kellin was so confused.

Why wasn't he going home? Did he really plan on sleeping on a bench? In the middle of nowhere at that.

Vic's shoulders were shaking and Kellin could make out the small cries that escaped his bruised lips, each one like a stab straight into Kellin's heart.

Vic's shirt rode up a bit and Kellin was horrified, his body was so small, stomach caving in and bruises dotted his flesh, the most prominent being two hand prints, one on each of his hips.

Kellin saw red when he watched as Vic struggled to pull his shirt down, tears rushing down his cheeks as he finally got the material down far enough so that it covered all his marks.

Kellin stayed there the whole night, never venturing any closer, just watching over Vic to make sure he was okay.

Vic didn't wake up during the night, eyes shut as he slept, Kellin guarding him from afar.

Vic looked dead, lips pale and body so thin and fragile, Kellin promised himself that he'd never hurt Vic again.

Kellin flinched when Vic started tossing and turning which was dangerous on that small of a surface.

He watched as Vic's eyes opened and he seemed to panic before he started hyperventilating, small chest moving up and down rapidly as he stood.

"Vic?" Kellin called and Vic screamed, tears rushing down his cheeks.

"What? What! What do you want Kellin! You want to fuck me too huh? Well fine, just do it. It's all I'm good for anyways." Vic shouted and Kellin was concerned at how large his pupils were.

"Vic? Are you high?" Kellin asked cautiously and Vic glared at him, eyes hard as he grabbed his phone from his pocket.

"No!" Vic suddenly shouted, finally answering Kellin. Vic looked scared, like he wasn't in the moment.

"Vic? Are you okay?" Kellin gently asked and Vic started muttering to himself as he frantically typed something on his phone.

Kellin slowly walked towards Vic, shocked when Vic let him hug him, Vic even buried his face in Kellin's chest and Kellin knew then that Vic had something going on in his head, something serious.

Kellin watched as Vic's lips quivered slowly before he bit one of them, teeth chewing at the skin of his lip until it bled, and Vic never flinched.

"Vic, I'm gonna start taking you home now, okay?" Kellin told Vic who didn't respond, just leaning his body on Kellin as they walked.

Kellin wrapped his arm around Vic's waist as they stumbled back to Vic's place.

"He's gonna hurt me." Vic whimpered when his house came into view and Kellin looked at him with concern.

"Who V? Who's gonna hurt you?" Kellin questioned, worried about Vic.

"Him." Vic muttered as he stared at his dad's car, eyes shimmering with unshed tears, hands shaking as he pulled away from Kellin.

"Wait Vic-" Kellin called as he watched Vic stumble away, looking drunk, like a zombie.

"Bye Kellin." Vic whispered, not looking back, stomach turning at the thought of facing his dad.

He drew blood over Vic being late to class, who knew what he'd do over Vic not coming home the night before.

Vic was about to find out.


	8. Eight

Vic didn't go to school the next day, or the one after that. He stayed home for almost two weeks, Mike bringing his school work home because he couldn't move, could barely breathe.

His father hadn't even used his belt, just hitting Vic with his fists, feet and whatever objects he found laying on the floor.

Vic's blood had stained the carpet, the walls and his father didn't stop.

He only stopped when Mike tackled him, pinned him down, yelling at Vic to fucking run!

Vic had locked himself in his room, body shaking as he threw up into his trash can from pain and fear.

Blood ran into his eyes, down his cheeks, staining his clothes and his skin until he was red, crimson coating everything and Vic's breaths were sharp, pained, fading.

His eyes were slipping shut and he shouldn't have been conscious, he should have passed out a long time ago, but he didn't, couldn't.

Everything was muffled, the world fading in and out but he couldn't let the darkness win.

Mike! 

What if his dad hurt Mike? Vic started to cry, tears mixing with the blood until a pink liquid dripped down his cheeks at a steady pace, turning his white carpet into a pink mess but Vic didn't care. 

Vic thought about everything, all his mistakes flashing through his mind as he felt himself fading.

All the guys he'd laid down for. All the times he'd been beaten up, called worthless.

He thought about Kellin, how he'd been the first person who seemed almost nice.

He thought about his mom, how she just stood by and watched as his father hurt Vic time after time.

He thought about Mike, Mike who had held him at night when he didn't want to live, Mike who had been suffering himself and Vic hadn't noticed.

The last thing Vic saw before his eyes slipped shut was red.

\-------

Vic wished he had died, wished Mike had never stopped his father, wished he had just let Vic bleed out on the floor.

A whore like you deserves to just fucking die!

Mike hadn't, of course he hadn't. He'd called the police, had their father dragged out in cuffs, he'd tended to Vic's wounds, making sure he didn't die.

He even hugged Vic for the first time in what felt like forever, kissing the top of his head gently, whispering about how sorry he was.

Vic just laid in bed day after day and he was terrified to go to school, knowing he'd have to eventually, but the rumors would be so extreme this time.

Especially since the arrest of his father had spread through the town and school like wildfire.

Maybe he raped Vic. Hell it wouldn't be rape with that whore, Vic probably wanted it.

Vic's mother had tried to apologize, told Vic that she never wanted her father to hurt him.

Vic had snapped, yelling for almost ten minutes about how she had stood by and watched as her husband hurt her sons for years and she never did a single thing.

Vic didn't feel guilty when she cried, didn't care when she left his room, he just couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

"Vic?" Mike called from the doorway of his room, mug of something in his hand and a bottle of pills in his other.

Vic's eyes lingered on the pills, imagined tipping his head back and letting them slide down his throat, imagined his body fading so slow-

"Vic! I brought your pills, stop spacing out." Mike said, pressing the mug into Vic's hand as he placed two pills into his other hand, and Vic sighed when he slipped the pill bottle into his pocket.

Vic took the pills mechanically, and Mike watched with concern as he set the mug on his night stand, eyes scrunched up in pain as his sore ribs were jostled.

"Uh, someone at school wanted to see you." Mike told Vic and was surprised when Vic snorted.

"What? They already miss the school whore? Just tell everyone I'll be back soon so they can fuck me." Vic spat, hands curling into loose fists as he thought about school, the people there who treated him like a toy.

He was sick of it, sick of not having control, sick of living his life how other people wanted him to.

He was just so done and he was scared at how final that thought seemed.


	9. Nine

Kellin stopped by the next day, knocking on the door until Vic stumbled down the stairs, cursing Mike for going to the movies with Tony.

By the time he reached the door, his head was spinning and he felt ready to pass out, but he swung the door open anyways and wanted to slam it back shut when he saw it was Kellin.

"Hey Vic!" He greeted and he just invited himself in, gently pushing Vic to the side, noticing the way he stumbled a bit.

"Um, what do you want?" Vic asked and he felt bile rise in his throat, stomach turning.

"You haven't been to school in a while and I wanted to check on you. Is that a bruise Vic?" Kellin asked, gently grabbing Vic's chin so he could inspect the bruise that bloomed on Vic's cheek bone, brown and yellow swirling together under his skin painting a picture of pain that made Kellin so angry.

Vic didn't say anything, just grabbed Kellin's hand in an effort to pull it off his face, hating the way Kellin's eyes lingered on his own, almost as if he was looking into Vic's soul.

"Do you need ice?" Kellin questioned and Vic wanted to laugh, did he need ice? The pain from the bruise didn't bother him anymore, he was used to it, which was no surprise since it had happened over two weeks ago.

"Is that a no?" Kellin asked him and Vic just nodded before sitting down on the couch, Kellin sat down right beside him, thigh brushing Vic's gently but it still made him flinch.

"I'm worried about you. Mike's worried about you. He told me the other day that your dad hurt you, didn't really go into detail but from the way you're sitting and the fact that your father is behind bars I'd assume it was bad? He said that you won't eat, all you do is sleep and I can't stand the thought of you suffering all alone, Mike can't either but he said he can't help you, he told me to try and I need you to help me help you Vic." Kellin rambled and Vic's eyes were wide, tears filling them and he started to hate himself even more.

He always makes people worry about him, makes them feel guilty and they didn't deserve that.

It's all your fault, whores just hurt everyone, fuck and leave, kiss and tell, you should just fucking die!

"Why are you crying Vic? Please don't cry, I didn't mean to upset you, I just want to help." Kellin whispered as he wiped Vic's tears away, hating the small whimper Vic let out.

"I'm a fuck up Kellin! I deserve to just fucking die!" Vic shouted and Kellin felt his heart break, just shattering in his chest as Vic started to cry again, this time sobbing, his loud cries echoing through the room.

Kellin wrapped his arms around Vic as gently as he could, knowing that his sweatpants and hoodie had to be hiding so much pain.

"It's okay Vic, just let it out baby, I'm here." Kellin whispered in his ear as he gently rocked Vic back and forth, one hand brushing Vic's hair out of his face.

"Just let me die Kellin, please let me die. I won't bother you anymore, won't ever have to be called a whore again. Everyone would be so much happier without me, Mike would be able to just live without having to worry about me, you'd be able to find someone who's actually worth your time. Just let me die!" Vic yelled, hands tugging at his own hair and Kellin watched in horror as Vic's red eyes met his, begging Kellin for something Kellin could barely fathom, death.

"Vic-" Kellin's voice broke as tears fell down his cheeks, hands shaking as he wrapped them around Vic's, lips trembling as he tried to form words.

"I'm not worth it Kellin. I'm a whore! Just someone to fuck and leave! I deserve everything they do, everything my father did! I deserved it all, I deserve to die! Why can't you understand that?" Vic cried as he stared at Kellin with wide eyes, he looked scared yet so determined.

"I can't understand because it's not true, not a single word Vic! You don't deserve this, none of it, you deserve to be happy, not to suffer every single day. I care about you, so much, so much more than I thought I ever could and if you were to die, it'd kill me too. It'd kill Mike, he'd be so crushed, we all would Vic. I know you don't believe me, I really wish you could but you have some issues going on right now that we need to face, together Vee." Kellin told Vic as gently as he could but anger snuck into his voice, not towards Vic, but every person who'd ever hurt him.

Kellin hated that he had been one of those people, he'd made Vic feel lesser, feel worthless and he hated himself for that.

"Don't lie to me Kellin. You're just gonna leave like everyone else." Vic muttered and his voice was painfully hollow, full of pain and hatred, and Kellin wasn't sure who the hatred was for, Kellin or himself.

"I'm not lying and I won't leave you Vic I promise." Kellin said as he rubbed Vic's thigh gently, trying to take the tension out of Vic's body but it wasn't working.

"Don't make promises Kellin, they always get broken in the end."


	10. Ten

Vic fell asleep on Kellin's shoulder, tears still drying on his cheeks and hands gripping Kellin's shirt tightly as small snores tumbled from his lips.

Kellin brushed his hair out of his face, gently moving his body until his head rested in Kellin's lap,  instead. 

Only then did Kellin cry, truly cry, big tears rushing down his cheeks and sobs racking his frame as his mind replayed each word Vic had said, he felt so guilty.

How hadn't he noticed that Vic was so sad? Why did it take so long for his father to be arrested? 

Kellin thought back to that night where he forced Vic to touch hin, forced Vic to suck him off in a shabby park.

Kellin had backed out after a few seconds but he had still done it and he felt so bad. He'd seen the way Vic got treated at school, the way pictures and videos of him spread around school and it made him so angry.

He was even more angry after seeing how it all affected Vic, made him feel so low that he wanted to die.

Vic was barely seventeen, he shouldn't want death, shouldn't have to be terrified to go to school, scared to come home.

Kellin wiped his tears away, cheeks hot as he looked down at Vic, the way bruises peeked out of his sleeves, how his too-thin wrists were wrapped in cord bracelets.

Kellin took a slow breath, just trying to ease his mind but he found it impossible.

What if Vic hurt himself? What if Kellin left for a minute and Vic decided to end it all?

Kellin was tense, hands running through Vic's hair and he flinched when the front door opened, revealing Vic's brother, Mike.

He didn't even say hi, just ran over to Vic, eyes concerned as he looked at the tears that stained his brother's cheeks.

"What happened? Kellin?" Mike asked as he brushed his fingers over Vic's cheek, clearing the tears away gently.

"He, he said, uh, that he wants to, he wants to die Mike, die. " Kellin cried, unable to hold it in any longer and Mike looked horrified, eyes wide and glassy and he was shaking his head rapidly.

"No, no! He can't die, he can't." Mike sounded so young, so broken and Kellin felt his heart break for the millionth time that evening, fresh rears filling his eyes as he watched Mike kiss Vic's forehead.

"Don't worry Mike-" Kellin started but was quickly cut off.

"Don't worry? Don't worry? My brother is apparently suicidal and you want me to not worry?" Mike almost shouted but he had to quiet himself when Vic started to stir.

"That's not what I meant Mike." Kellin muttered, but he wasn't sure what he did mean, he cursed himself for being bad with words.

Mike just hugged Vic, and Kellin watched as Mike started to cry quietly, trying to hide in Vic's shirt as he whispered something into Vic's chest and Kellin felt so sad when he realized what Mike had said.

"I love you Vic, I love you so you can't die, you can't!" Mike had Vic's body pulled to his chest and Vic's eyes were slowly opening, he looked tired still but Kellin just let Mike hug him anyways, Vic could sleep later.

"Vic? Hey buddy, it's Mike, your brother, you remember me?" Mike asked and Vic started laughing, smile on his face.

"What are you talking about Mike? I was just sleeping, of course I remember you." Vic said, but he stopped smiling when Mike looked at him with a sad expression.

Vic's eyes slipped to his hands and he couldn't think of what to say, how to voice every he wanted to say to Mike.

"I'm not gonna ask you not to feel the way you do Vic, I just want you to know that you can talk to me, I'm your brother! It's what I'm here for, I'm here for you whenever you need an ear or just someone to sit with, I'm here." Mike whispered and Kellin excused himself into the kitchen so they could have their moment.

"Thank you Mikey, I should have said that sooner. You saved me that day from dad, he would have killed me Mike." Vic replied honestly, eyes downcast and hands shaking a bit.

And Vic thought that was a good sign, death still scared him, maybe he wasn't gone yet.


	11. Eleven

Mike didn't want to leave Vic alone, always staying near him, making sure his door was always opened a bit just in case.

Vic didn't appreciate the constant eyes on him but then again he knew that if he were to be alone things would happen, thoughts would fill his mind until he could only see one way out.

Vic's mother didn't seem to care that he didn't even go to school anymore, didn't seem to care that he never came down for dinner and it made Vic angry.

So he kept staying in his room, kept falling apart in hopes that she would care, in hopes that Kellin would come back over.

Kellin.

He'd left not too long after Mike and Vic had their moment, he simply waved goodbye and left, and Vic couldn't blame them.

Who wants to stand next to a grenade that's ready to explode?

Vic couldn't take it, the way Mike was being so nice, the way he made sure to delete all the hate comments on Vic's social media before Vic could see them. 

"I can take care of myself Mike!" He's snapped one day when Mike brought him lunch for the fifth day in a row.

"I know you can, but everyone needs a little help sometimes Vic." He'd replied simply and for some reason it pissed Vic off, made him so angry that he threw his plate at Mike and holy fuck the hurt in his brother's eyes.

That look haunted Vic, drove him to scratch his nails down his thighs as a form of self punishment.

His father wasn't around to hurt him anymore when he fucked up, so he did it himself.

He'd tug his hair and sit in cold baths until his skin turned blue but he never felt any better, cold maybe, but never better.

Mike stopped bringing him food after that and Vic let himself slip away, his mind becoming fuzzy and he just imagined himself as someone else, someone worthy.

He didn't cry anymore, didn't pray that Kellin would show up at his door with that stupid smile on his face, he just laid in bed and faded, body becoming thin and eyes surrounded by dark circles that made Vic think of all those times his father gave him black eyes.

Vic's hair was falling out and he wasn't sure if it was lack of nutrition or the fact that he always pulled on it, but clumps of hair always landed on the shower floor when he actually had enough energy to shower. 

"Vic, you can't keep doing this to yourself." A voice broke him out of his stupor, eyes widening and his heart skipped a beat as his head raised to look at Mike.

Mike looked old, looked beaten down and Vic felt so guilty because he had a no-good depressed whore of a brother.

Mike tried to hide it, but he saw the notes crumpled in the bottom of his backpack, the notes wishing him death, the notes saying that Mike would be better off without Vic.

"Why not Mike? Who's gonna stop me?" Vic mumbled, voice raspy from days of not using it and being too lazy to get himself water after his supply ran out.

"Me Vic, I got you an appointment with a therapist." Mike replied, voice quiet, shaky.

"I don't need a therapist Mike." Vic said back, fingers picking at the already red skin of his palm.

"Like hell you don't Vic! You're a different person for fuck's sake! You never eat, you hurt yourself and I refuse to bury my brother!" Mike cried, and Vic hated the tears that stained his cheeks, the way he looked so desperate.

But Vic felt so hollow, like he couldn't care even though his heart was breaking.

"Kellin texted me the other day Vic, said he's stopped by and you just stare at him, that's not normal Vic." Mike continued and Vic tilted his head, Kellin stopped by?

"Kellin hasn't stopped by Mike, he fucking hates me." Vic snapped, and Mike had to peel his fingers from around his wrist, little dots of blood under his fingernails as he glared at Mike.

"Yes, he did. I was here the last time he did Vic, you wouldn't talk, wouldn't look at him, you looked like you were high Vic!" Mike responded with a sense of urgency in his voice, realizing something was wrong with Vic, something a lot more serious than he had thought.

"He never stopped by Mike, stop lying to me." Vic mumbled and his voice was flat, eyes closed tightly as he shook his head.

"I'm not lying to you Vic!" Mike cries, tears splashing against Vic's hands that he had brought to his lips, pleading against the skin there that Vic would be okay.

But even Mike wasn't sure that he would be okay anymore.


	12. Twelve

Kellin drove Vic to his first appointment, worried about the way Vic seemed to slump into his door the whole ride.

"Vic? We're here." Kellin said gently, and still the boy didn't move, head resting on the cool glass, tears sliding down his window, terrified.

He couldn't breathe, chest tight and hands shaking but Mike had told him it would help.

"I'm so proud that you want to get better Vic."

Vic couldn't let Mike down, not this time.

Mike had wanted to drive him, but his work had called him in last minute and his mom yelled at him when he tried to stay home, so Vic said that he'd just ride with Kellin since he couldn't be trusted to drive alone.

"How am I supposed to know that you won't 'space out' and end up in the ocean somewhere?"

Mike's point may have been a bit dramatic but it was honest and Vic hated seeing his baby brother upset so he rode with Kellin, hating how his head did that fuzzy thing again.

He slowly stepped out of the car and Kellin rushed over to his side to hold his door open for him, putting a hand in Vic's while they walked towards the door and Vic didn't have enough energy to pull back, so he just let Kellin hold his hand.

A loud doorbell went off when they walked into the clinic and Vic jumped but thanked the noise for bringing him back down, the fuzzy feeling fading as he looked around.

White. It was very white. The walls, the floor, even the chairs were a sterile white and Vic hated it, hated the blankness that filled the space.

"Vic, you have to sign in." Kellin whispered, handing him a pen and Vic's hand shook as he write his name on a sign-in sheet, the receptionist staring at him with a bored expression.

"It'll help Vic, they'll make you feel better, I promise."

Vic sighed, letting the feeling of his lungs expanding calm him like it always did, let it carry him away until he couldn't hear the annoying TV or the soft sound of Kellin's voice as he rambled about something funny that had happened in World History.

"Victor Fuentes? I have some paperwork for you to fill out honey." A soft voice said in front of Vic and he numbly took the clipboard, eyes vacant.

Kellin's hand hadn't left his, thumb rubbing soothingly over the back of Vic's hand, watching as the boy chewed on his already puffy lip.

Vic read the form, signing his name on line after line before he came to a weird form that made his heart skip a beat.

Please check the box that corresponds with how often you experience the emotion or event listed in the left column.

There were so many things listed from, self harmed to had visions of extreme rage or violence.

"I'll look away Vic, just please be honest baby." Kellin whispered and he tilted his head away to stare at the TV that was showing a boring news channel but it made Vic feel safe enough to hastily check boxes and he hated how most of the ones he checked were in the almost everyday or everyday categories.

Vic quickly hid the form behind the other and Kellin smiled at him before taking it up to the counter for him and he sat down beside Vic once he was done, actually smiling.

"I'm so proud of you Vic." He said, teeth showing and all and Vic had to smile back.

Maybe it would be worth it to have someone feel proud of him, to have someone think that he wasn't a complete failure.

Vic's body shifted in the chair when the door slowly opened and revealed a nice looking doctor who smiled at him and called his name, waving him over.

Vic's lip trembled in fear as Kellin dropped his hand so he could go with the doctor.

"Can Kellin come?" Vic asked in fear, tears threatening to spill as he stood in the threshold of the door.

"I'd prefer to do this session with just you Victor." The doctor replied and Vic instantly felt that feeling take over, the one that sent him away, made him feel as he followed the doctor slowly.

"Have a seat Victor. I'm Doctor Carlile, it's very nice to meet you." The doctor said and Vic just nodded, hating how deep the man's voice was, just like his father's got when he hit him.

"So we have a lot to talk about yeah?"

Vic was already gone.


	13. Thirteen

Vic didn't remember a single thing from his therapy session after it was over, didn't remember the way Dr. Carlile shot him concerned glances when he didn't reply to a question.

He also didn't remember throwing a pen at the doctor when he got angry, seeing red for no reason.

They cut the session short after Dr. Carlile said that Vic was too much for him to handle.

"He's too far gone, I can't deal with him."

He gave up on Vic so Vic allowed himself to close his eyes and hum gently on the way back to his house, evading all the questions Kellin asked by pretending to be happy, pretending to feel better.

Vic gave up on himself then, smile on his lips because he was finally gone, mind fuzzy and eyes shut, he could pretend he was dead.

The gentle sound of Taking Back Sunday filled the car and Vic just hummed along, eyes opening enough so that he could watch the buildings blur by, wishing he could open the door and just fall out.

"Vic? You okay over there?" Kellin asked and Vic realized that he had been making small noises that sounded like whimpers.

"Yeah. I'm okay." Vic replied, voice sounding slurred almost, syllables running together and his head rolled to the side a bit.

Kellin wanted to pull over, wanted to hug Vic, wanted to tell him it'd be okay but he knew Vic would freak out.

Especially since he still didn't believe Kellin had ever dropped by to see him.

Which meant he probably didn't remember the night Kellin had visited and found Vic with a handful of pills poised in front of his mouth.

He probably also didn't remember the sleepy kiss they had shared one night when Vic's head had been resting on Kellin's shoulder.

Kellin did stop the car when he looked over and found Vic's hands fumbling with the car handle.

"Vic! What are you doing?" Kellin didn't mean to scare him, he really hadn't but he did and Vic started to cry making Kellin feel so guilty.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I always fuck things up don't i? It's all I'm good at, fucking and fucking up. Ironic huh? People fuck me, I turn into a fuck up, everyone hates me until they want to have sex, then they love me and I'm sick of it! Sick of everyone treating me like a fucking doll, either scared to touch me or not scared enough. No one ever treats me right Kellin, they all use me, fuck me and leave. Kiss me and leave. Tell me they love me and leave. I'm done Kellin. So done." Vic rambled and Kellin's eyes were wide, mind reminiscing on the day when Vic had first confessed all of his dark emotions.

Kellin thought they'd died down a bit, he'd seemed happy.

He'd smiled, laughed.

But the funny thing about depression is that it hides behind a smile most the time. It hides in a high pitched laugh. Hiding under tight clothes and too much makeup. Hides in your mind into you go crazy, until you build a fantasy world just like Vic.

Kellin understood then, understood Vic more than he ever had. Vic wasn't okay, he wasn't happy.

He was so sad that his only escape was to pretend to be happy, putting a smile on his red lips and hiding the circles that surrounded his eyes with mascara and eyeliner.

"Vic. I want you to listen to me. I know you're sad, I know you're tired. I know that you don't want to wake up in the morning, I know that you hate yourself, but I don't. That can mean as little or as much to you as you want, but what you think of yourself will ultimately beat out what I think, yeah? I could call you beautiful a million times and it wouldn't make you eat, wouldn't make you wear short sleeves. And that's okay, right now anyways. But you need to decide to try to recover, decide to fight that demon in your mind, okay? I can't decide for you, but I'll be here for you no matter what you choose." Kellin said gently, making sure Vic's eyes were locked on his so he wouldn't float away.

"I just wanna dissappear right now Kellin. I wanna float away, just be one with the stars." Vic responded and his voice was weak, scratchy.

Kellin's thumb brushed away a tear that threatened to fall from Vic's eyes.

"I want you to stay here, with me Vic. I want you to be able to be happy again and I hate that you can't because you deserve it so much." Kellin whispered and Vic just shook his head.

"Not everyone deserves to be happy. Maybe I'm just here to make other people happy, make other people feel better." Vic muttered, and his eyes raised to meet Kellin's before they closed again, Vic's head returning to the headrest and Kellin sighed.

Kellin hated himself for wondering if it was worth it. Was it worth all of the emotional stress? All the nights he spent crying because he was scared he would wake up to a call from the hospital saying Vic was dead?

Kellin sighed, pulling back onto the road and he made up his mind, he was done.


	14. Fourteen

Vic didn't care that Kellin didn't walk him to his door, didn't care that Kellin didn't call the next few days.

Vic was also a liar.

He missed Kellin so much, missed having someone to encourage him and praise him when he made small accomplishments like finishing a full meal or going outside for an hour.

His family seemed almost scared of him, leaving him alone way too often but Vic didn't complain, never asked them why, he just accepted it.

He didn't go to school and he knew his grades had to be horrendous but he didn't plan on living until graduation anyways so none of it mattered.

Vic just laid in bed, not even able to pick up his old guitar anymore. His body seemed almost pinned to the bed and he welcomed it.

At least he felt something, even if it was fuzzy, painful. He tugged on his hair until strands littered his blanket, biting his lip until it bled and he just didn't care.

Kellin visited one day after Vic had chewed his lip to the point of blood dribbling down his chin and Vic, rightly, was shocked.

"You haven't even texted me Kellin, why are you here?" Vic mumbled sleepily, watching as Kellin licked his lips.

"I just wanted to see you, make sure you were, well, alive." Kellin almost whispered and Vic wanted to laugh.

He was alive, yes, but he wasn't living by any means. He had become almost a zombie, moving so slowly he may as well be dead.

"Whatever Kellin." Vic muttered, eyes cold as he looked at Kellin who stared back sheepishly.

"Why don't you let me make it up to you?" Kellin said and Vic dared to think that his voice was almost seductive, lips curled into a smirk.

"Um, how?" Vic questioned, heart racing when he remembered that no one was home.

Kellin had him all alone, vulnerable.

"Why don't you take those clothes off and I can show you Vic." Kellin suggested and Vic hated how quickly his hands went to work at his zipper.

It was robotic, hands tugging his jeans to his knees, taking his shirt off, he'd done it so many times before, been a whore so many times before.

He wanted to cry when his body was pressed against the wall and Kellin's lips attached to his neck roughly, leaving small marks all over his skin.

Vic's stomach turned when Kellin pressed him to his knees.

"Do me and I'll do you Vic." Kellin mumbled as he undid his jeans.

Vic did, leaning forwards and licking Kellin's length slowly before taking it in his mouth.

He felt sick, dirty when Kellin cane down his throat.

He also felt like someone cared, especially when Kellin returned the favor.

Maybe it was normal? Vic had never been in a real relationship so he didn't know if couples fid that sort of thing, but he was content with the feeling of Kellin's mouth circling his length, so he let his head tilt back as he came.

Kellin pulled off and let Vic's come hit his cheeks, dripping onto his lips and Vic thought about all the times he'd done the same thing and he felt sick again.

Kellin kissed Vic after he had cleaned his face off and Vic hated how possessive his hands felt on his hips, but he let Kellin kiss him.

After all, whores can't say no.

Kellin stopped kissing him after he realized Vic wasn't responding.

"Not good enough for you Vic?" Kellin mocked, hands gripping Vic's hips even tighter and Vic just slipped away.

He was so far gone, kind so fuzzy that he never felt the slap that Kellin landed on his cheek or the way Kellin kissed his bruised and bloody lips so hard that pain echoed through his whole jaw.

Vic woke up in his bed, lips still hurting and hips bruised, more I confused than ever.

He'd just been kissing Kellin, they'd just been in the living room, Vic had given Kellin a blowjob.

Or had he?

Vic's head was throbbing and he saw a bottle of alcohol on the night stand next to him, almost empty.

Vic's eyes widened when he saw the note.

Hey Vic, finally awake? You sure did drink a lot, enough to where you let me fuck you like the whore you are.

Don't contact me, I won't reply.

-Kells

Vic cried after he read it, sobs shaking his frame, choking him. He couldn't breathe, eyes closing so he could slip away. 

He noticed the pain in his lower back, the way his hips ached more than ever and he gagged.

His stomach turned and he felt lower than ever, Kellin had been playing him.

And he fell for every single second of it.


	15. Fifteen

Vic shouldn't have been surprised when he woke up to an empty house, but it still made him feel lonely, especially when he realized that no one had woken him up for breakfast.

Not like you would have eaten it anyways.

Vic sighed quietly as he sat up, staring down at the bruises that ached on his hips, the yellow and brown that blossomed under his skin.

He ran his fingertips over it, pressing down slightly, welcoming the pain that followed. He deserved it.

He had gotten drunk, been stupid enough to be vulnerable around Kellin, he deserved for Kellin to take advantage of him.

Vic didn't want to move, didn't want to breathe, didn't want to eat or talk. He just wanted to die and he planned to.

He had pulled his laptop out, wiping the dust off the screen so he could Google what is the easiest way to commit suicide?

He wasn't ready for all of the gruesome pro-suicide tumblr blogs to flood his browser, pictures of slit wrists and pretty pills making him gasp.

His stomach turned when he got to a link that detailed some of the people lost to suicide in that month, almost thirty teens in his area had taken their lives and right in front of him were their faces.

Their families had sent in letters, begging others not to do the same thing their children had done.

Their parents seemed to care, maybe Vic's would care too if he died. Maybe then they would understand all the pain he held inside.

Maybe everyone at school would stop calling him a whore.

Maybe Kellin would be sick with guilt.

Vic pulled up another tumblr page, surprised when he was greeted by a number.

Feeling suicidal? Call this number for help:  1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Vic stared at the number for a while, eyes wide and glassy as he sniffled a bit.

With shaky hands he pulled his phone out, typing the number in slowly, so slowly. He stared at it, finger hovering over the green call button.

He wanted to throw up, head spinning and anxiety rushing through him making his breath pick up as he tried to calm himself down enough to call.

He couldn't.

He was sobbing, stomach turning and head fuzzy as he threw his phone, screen shattering as it hit the wall and he felt a sense of rage come over him.

His hands itched to hurt something, to break something.

He ran his fingernails down his forearms before standing up, kicking the desk as his hands reached for the sketchbook he had there, ripping out page after page of drawings, shredding them until his fingers were littered in papercuts and the floor around him was a mess.

It still wasn't enough.

He turned and crashed his fist into the wall, pain spreading from his elbow to his wrist making him cry out but at least the pain distracted him from everything else.

He looked at the note Kellin had left, the stupid way he signed his name, anger coursed through Vic and he grabbed the note.

He let his tears splash against it, making the ink drip down before he ran to his bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror as he reached for the lighter he kept hidden.

Vic smiled when the note caught fire as he held the flame of the lighter to it, watching as the white note turned black, ash dropping the the floor.

He let it burn for about a minute before he threw it in the sink, letting water flow over it, the smell of smoke filling his nose and he liked it.

It smelled like pain, destruction, it smelled like a heart break felt.

Vic picked the lighter up again, watching the flame with wide eyes, bringing it closer and closer to his skin, the flame gently tickling his skin making it pucker and turn red.

His mind went fuzzy and he floated away, watching as he put the lighter against his arm again and again until he couldn't bare the pain anymore.

He'd never felt more crazy, more broken.

He'd never wanted death as much as he did then, but he also wanted to live, wanted to become a better person without Kellin, wanted to be strong.

He only returned to normal when he got in the shower, cold water hitting his skin making him gasp as his arm echoed with pain.

The water turned pink as it swirled around his feet and he pressed against the bruises on his hips, Kellin's face flashing behind his eyes and he cried.

He cried until he had to sit down, cold water running around him making him shiver but he couldn't bring himself to care.

No one else cared, why should he?


	16. Sixteen

Vic could hear them giggling, hushed voices echoing through Vic's mind driving him crazy.

Tony was over, Mike's boyfriend, the love of his life as Mike liked to say when he gushed over him at the dinner table.

Mike's room was across the hall from Vic's, so Vic heard everytime the headboard crashed against the wall, moans sneaking from their lips making Vic feel so alone.

But then he had an idea, one that made his eyes widen and his hands reached for his phone, ignoring the shattered screen.

He pulled Kellin's number up, the note flashing in the back of his mind 'don't contact me.'

Vic ignored it, typing a text into his phone anyways, fingers getting cut from the shattered pieces of glass on his phone screen but he ignored that as well.

From Vic: hey Kellin, I know you said not to contact you but I want to fuck, like now, your house preferred 

From Kellin: um, okay? I though you'd hate me?

From Vic: I do but I'm horny, you're probably horny, why not?

From Kellin: you're acting weird

From Vic: what's that mean?

From Kellin: i thought you hated being a whore?

From Vic: nah, it's all I'm good for anyways, why don't you come pick me up and I can show you what I mean

From Kellin: I'll be there in 10, wear those lacy panties you have, the black ones

From Vic: anything else you want Kells?

From Kellin: bring lube, I'm sure someone like you has plenty of that

From Vic: ok, I'll meet you outside

From Kellin: see ya sexy

Vic felt disgusted by himself, the way he was almost begging Kellin to have sex with him just because he was a jealous fuck who couldn't handle the small moans that Mike and Tony were making.

Vic felt tears fill his eyes as he stood up, he had to find those damn underwear now.

He had to dig through his dresser until he found them, he balled them up in his hand before walking to his bathroom so he could slip them on, hating the way they felt against his skin.

They just reminded him of all the times he'd been 'complimented' on his underwear.

'Oh how sluty, you got your sexy little thong on huh?'

'Oh my, this makes it so much easier for me to fuck you, you look like a girl in these'

'Only a whore wears a fucking pair of see-through underwear bitch!'

Vic closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself down as he pulled his skinny jeans back up.

He slipped his small bottle of lube in his pocket, pulling his shirt down to disguise the way it bulged out.

When he walked by Mike's room, the moans had died down, replaced by the sound of giggling and a hushed conversation.

That made Vic feel even worse. They had just had sex, that much was obvious, and now they were having a conversation, they sounded happy.

Anytime Vic had sex he felt so broken, felt dirty, the last thing he wanted to do was lay in bed and talk to whoever just fucked him.

Vic flinched when he heard a horn outside, his phone vibrating at the same time so he knew it was Kellin.

Vic rushed downstairs, almost tripping on the last step, feeling so nervous, he was absolutely terrified.

When he opened the door and found an impatient Kellin there, his heart started to thud.

"You're late." Kellin muttered as he grabbed Vic's arm, pulling him to the car quickly, roughly.

"I was getting ready." Vic argued as Kellin shoved him into the passenger seat.

Kellin got in the driver's seat, hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly already, eyes hard.

"Next time don't be late." Kellin ordered and all Vic could do was nod, eyes watering as he buckled his seat belt carefully, hands trembling.

"I won't." Vic whispered, throat clogged and voice raspy and that seemed to make Kellin even more angry.

"Did you wear them?" Kellin asked, voice cold, flat and it scares Vic so much.

"Uh, yeah." Vic stuttered, voice shaking as he tried to maintain eye contact with Kellin.

"Show me." Kellin commanded and Vic's heart started to pound as he pushed the waistband of his jeans down, exposing the lacy material of his underwear.

"Touch yourself." Kellin muttered, looking between the road and Vic as he drove making Vic even more nervous.

Vic's hand slipped into the front of his jeans, gently pressing against his crotch and he gated when nothing happened even when he pressed harder.

"Can you not get hard? Pathetic." Kellin spat and Vic started to cry then, hand still pressed against his dick and Kellin's eyes trained on his.

"Stop crying, you don't need to be hard for me to fuck you anyways." Kellin ordered, turning into his driveway as Vic tried to button up his jeans, fingers slipping so many times that Kellin eventually reached over and did his jeans up for him.

"Now, follow me, time to have some fun."


	17. Seventeen

Vic's body was pressed against Kellin's mattress, eyes wide and hands trembling as Kellin kissed him, teeth biting into his bottom lip so hard blood trickled to the surface.

Kellin's lips travelled to his neck, leaving marks behind that made Vic's stomach turn in disgust, feeling so used.

Kellin pushed his shirt over his head, eyes skimming over the burn marks left from Vic's breakdown.

"You're so pathetic Vic, honestly pathetic." Kellin spat, a finger pressing into one of the marks making Vic gasp.

Vic's head turned, eyes clenched shut as Kellin tugged his jeans down, fingers ghosting over the little bow that decorated the front of Vic's underwear. 

"So slutty Vee, I love it." Kellin almost purred, fingers sliding under the waistband of Vic's underwear, teasing the smooth skin he found there.

Vic's lips were parted, hating how he was getting hard, he didn't want it anymore, he wished he never would have texted Kellin, wished he never would have even met Kellin at all.

Kellin pulled his underwear off slowly, laughing when he realized Vic was hard, thighs trembling as he kept his hips from bucking.

"Awe, is the poor baby hard?" Kellin teased as he ran his finger down Vic's shaft, living the small gasp that escaped Vic's parted lips.

Vic wanted to cry, wanted to just curl up into a ball and sob when he felt Kellin's tongue on his inner thigh, one of Kellin's fingers teasing Vic's hole.

Vic didn't like it, didn't want it, but his body said otherwise and the texts he had sent earlier only fought against him.

Kellin's mouth soon found its way onto Vic's dick, tongue working at the slit as he grabbed the lube out of Vic's pocket, struggling with its before he threw the jeans back down to the bed, useless.

Kellin lubed his fingers up, sliding two into Vic at once making him gasp, back arching as he felt pain fill him but also a spark of pleasure as Kellin's finger grazed his prostate.

"You like that whore? Like my fingers inside you? You're tighter than I imagined." Kellin mocked, slamming a third finger in without warning but luckily Vic could take it.

He didn't want to though.

He hated the feeling of Kellin's breath on his lips, the feeling of Kellin's fingers inside him, the way Kellin treated him like an object, mocking him like he had no feelings.

Kellin soon got bored, lubing himself up before thrusting into Vic, going all the way in without giving Vic any kind of warning or pause.

"Fuck Vee, you're so tight, so good for me huh?" Kellin moaned, thrusting into Vic, one hand locked on Vic's wrist, pinning it to the sheets above him.

Vic's face was scrunched up, he hadn't been prepped enough, especially since he hadn't had sex in so long, he needed to be treated more gently.

"Slow down." Vic muttered, nails scratching down Kellin's back to show his displeasure but that only made Kellin moan.

"Speed up? Alright slut." Kellin growled, hips moving even faster and Vic's eyes slipped shut, hands going numb and pain fading as he slipped away, hating the fact that he couldn't protect himself when his kind went fuzzy.

Kellin didn't care that Vic looked like he was asleep, he used his body until he came inside Vic, making him feel even more dirty but kellin could care less.

Kellin pulled out of Vic's limp body, face relaxed until he noticed the stains of red on the sheet.

Kellin panicked, shaking Vic's shoulder, even slapping his cheek but Vic was gone, head spinning and eyes shut as he breathed slow, even breaths.

"Vic! Get the fuck up!" Kellin shouted, grabbing Vic's shoulders, shaking him so hard his teeth chattered, but Vic was having trouble getting to the surface, every time he tried to pry his eyes open, the fuzzy feeling dragged him back down.

"I'm not joking Vic! My mom will be here in a few minutes now get up!" Kellin shook Vic again and here sighed when the boy's eyes slowly opened.

Kellin rolled his eyes, forcing Vic's underwear up his legs, even putting his pants on for him while Vic tried to regain his bearings.

"Put your own shirt on slut." Kellin snapped, shoving the fabric into Vic's chest, trying to ignore the way Vic whimpered as he stood, ignoring the way he limped as he walked down the stairs, shirt still in his arms.

"You gonna get dressed?" Kellin asked and Vic responded by slipping his shirt on, motions robotic, slow.

Vic stumbled out the door, blood staining the back of his jeans, tears on his cheeks, feeling so completely broken.


	18. Eighteen

If you were to ask Kellin why he did it, he wouldn't have an answer.

He wasn't sure why he liked to see Vic hurt, liked to watch him fall apart.

Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just wanted to be close to Vic in the only way he knew the boy would accept.

Or maybe he was just an asshole, even he wasn't sure.

All he knew was that he wanted Vic under him again, wanted to hear him moan, see his face scrunch up in pleasure.

If that made him an asshole, he was fine with that.

He texted Vic everyday, sending him flirtatious texts, begging Vic to let Kellin fuck him and of course Vic said yes like the whore he was.

Kellin thought of Vic as a whore, hating how many people Vic had slept with, but that didn't stop him from inviting Vic over each night, watching as his face crumbled and moans spilled from his lips even when he tried to hold them in.

Kellin was cocky.

He thought he could get Vic too do anything, thought that Vic wanted him.

He didn't know that Vic was scared, so hurt that he figured the only way to feel was by letting Kellin hurt him even more.

Kellin just thought of Vic as a good fuck, someone to kiss and touch whenever he needed it, but he couldn't hide from the feelings that were trying to sneak up on him.

Not love, definitely not love, just guilt. He felt guilty each time Vic cried, each time he saw new marks and bruises on his small body, feeling terrible each time his fingers ran over Vic's prominent hip bones.

The guilt wasn't enough to stop him though, the sex was too good, Vic's noises too sexy.

Kellin didn't even stop when he noticed the way Vic seemed to zone out, body relaxing and eyes closing as he faded away into someone different, someone who was okay with the way Kellin's hands held his hips, the way Kellin's teeth bit bruises into his skin.

Kellin's story wasn't tragic, he wasn't being so cruel because his mom didn't love him or his father left. His family was happy, they had money, a good house, plenty of food.

He was just bored, liked toying with Vic, hating the fact that at one point he had actually cared about Vic.

The day Vic had cried himself to sleep in his arms was one of Kellin's worst days, watching Vic fall apart, seams coming undone and heart shattering.

Kellin fell in love with that side of Vic, the one that was so fragile, easy to poke and prod with rough fingers and words to match.

He fell in love with the way Vic was so broken, face sunken and waist too small, a beautifully broken doll, ready for Kellin to break him even more.

Kellin didn't love Vic, not at all, he just loved how easy he was, so easy.

So easy that he came over each night to get Kellin off with his hands, mouth, ass, however he could get Kellin off he did.

Maybe a part of Vic craved the attention.

Maybe he was lonely, maybe he'd been a whore for too long.

Vic's story was tragic, almost the polar opposite of Kellin's, full of heartbreak and breakdowns that were enough to make anyone feel weak, broken.

Vic's family cared, of course they did, they just cared in the wrong ways.

They cared that Vic did his school  work from home, cared that he started piano lessons on the nights when they didn't make him help Mike with his classses.

They didn't care that their son was falling apart, didn't care that his hair was thinning and his stomach was concave.

They didn't care about the dissociating or the sadness, all they cared about was the superficial side, the numbers and looks.

In a way Vic thought they were similar to Kellin.

They didn't really care, wanted him to be good for them not for himself.

But Vic being Vic couldn't ever say no, so he learned piano, he did his work, helped Mike, got a part-time job, he let Kellin fuck him.

All because he was so broken that he couldn't say no.


	19. Nineteen

Mike saw Vic break, watched as his older brother made marks on his own skin to make up for the ones on his heart.

He tried to help, he really did, but Mike's parents told him not to.

"He's not worth it Mike, just let him ruin his own life, we're done. Even your father gave up punishing him because he's not worth it."

Mike couldn't stop himself from obeying, his heart telling him to help Vic but his mom's words would echo around his head until he just submitted, leaving Vic alone no matter how hard it was.

He just chose to focus on his boyfriend, Tony. He took him on dates, spent many nights at his place so he could get away.

But he couldn't ignore Vic one night when he found his brother curled up in his bed, Mike's blankets pressed against his face as he shook.

Mike was mad at first, angry that Vic was in his room, in his bed, but all the anger drained from him when he noticed the way Vic's eyes were watering, mouth moving but no sound coming out.

Mike slowly walked over to him, sitting down on the bed gently so he wouldn't scare Vic, who shifted his eyes to gaze at Mike, lips still moving slowly.

"What's wrong Vic?" Mike whispered, brushing Vic's hair out of his face gently, hating how the simple movement made Vic flinch, eyes wide and breathing hard.

Mike stared at Vic with sad eyes, guilty eyes.

He'd just stood by while Vic got worse, let people at school harass Vic anytime he stepped foot outside the house, he let his parents belittle everything Vic did.

All because he was scared.

Vic shifted, letting Mike place a palm to his forehead to make sure he didn't have a fever, sighing when he found nothing.

"What's going on bro? Do you want a hug or something? I'm trying Vic, you gotta let me help you." Mike whispered, hating how far Vic had fallen, eyes surrounded by bruise-like circles, thin hair framing his face gently, lips curled into a sad frown.

"You don't wanna help me Mike." Vic mumbled, eyes downcast as he pushed himself into a sitting position, collar of his shirt slipping down enough for Mike to see numerous hickies Kellin had left on his skin.

"Yes I do Vic!" Mike argued, eyes locked on the discolored circles of skin on Vic's collarbone, deciding not to bring it up just yet.

"Stop lying. You've been ignoring me for months now, you don't give a fuck anymore." Vic muttered, fingers picking at his sleeve, lips curled into a frown as be glared at Mike.

"I do care Vic, stop saying I don't. You obviously don't care about yourself, I've heard you and Kellin fucking, i see the marks. Maybe you are just a whore." Mike snapped, getting angrier than he had in a while.

Most of the anger wasn't even towards Vic, he just hated himself for not caring about Vic enough, for not being a good brother.

And he made Vic cry.

Vic looked at him with wide teary eyes, lips quivering as he stared at Mike, looking so young.

"Vic, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that." Mike apologized and Vic just shook his head, small tears soaking into Mike's blanket as he did so.

Vic stood on weak legs, hating the fact that Mike knew he was a whore.

Hating that Mike had heard him being so dirty, heard him letting Kellin just use him like a toy.

Mike had to watch as Vic walked to his room, sad little sniffles following him making Mike's heart hurt, feeling like he just added to Vic's pain immensely.

He already had to with their parents, the arguments they'd have, all the times they would yell at Vic and make him feel so pathetic that he ran off to fuck Kellin.

Mike also hated how he couldn't sleep that night because the sound of Vic's sobs sneaked under his door and echoed through his mind.

Mike had to rest a pillow on his ear, pressing it down gently so the noise was muffled. 

Mike found himself flinching with every sob he heard, but they also made him relieved as well.

At least he knew Vic was alive.


	20. Twenty

Vic wasn't okay.

He knew that, hell he knew that a long time before he made the grand realization that he wasn't okay.

And something about finally admitting it to himself made everything seem so much worse.

He knew he wasn't okay, knew he needed help but he didn't get it.

He knew that Kellin didn't care about him but he didn't stop seeing him.

Vic could tell that Mike was nervous but he didn't care, well he did, but Vic felt that Mike deserved to feel remorse after what he said to Vic, all those weeks he had spent ignoring Vic.

Vic was losing weight, losing hair, losing his fucking mind.

And no one seemed to care.

He wondered why.

What about him was so horrible? So bad that people didn't care? What about him made everyone hurt him?

He would look at himself in the mirror, picking apart his flaws and adding new ones, scratching and even biting his skin until he was shades of red and blue.

"Vic? Why are you doing that? Stop it!" Someone, Mike, shouted, taking Vic's hand from his mouth where he had been chewing at the skin of his thumb harshly.

"Fuck off Mike." Vic snapped, letting his mouth chew on his thumb again, but Mike swatted it away, looking so shocked, even disgusted.

"No, Vic. I'm sorry about what I said, okay? How many times do I need to say it? I'm so fucking sorry and you don't even believe me." Mike rambled, holding Vic's wrist so he couldn't chew on the already red skin on his hand.

"You should have never even said it Mike." Vic reminded Mike who sighed loudly.

"Whatever, chew your fucking finger off for all I care, I can't keep dealing with this shit, mom and dad need to get you some help before you fucking off yourself. I refuse to bury you Vic, I refuse to stand hand and watch you fucking make yourself bleed. I can't handle it, it's too much Vic, it's not fair!" Mike yelled, hands tugging his own hair and Vic wondered if he looked like that, delusional, crazy.

"Life isn't fair Mike. Get over it." Vic muttered, slamming his door shut after Mike stepped out, tears filling his eyes.

It was hard to believe that Mike and Vic had been close at one point.

Now they were always fighting, always slamming doors and screaming until their throats ached all because Vic was fucked up.

Vic wiped away his tears, grabbing the small bag he always took to Kellin's before he left, rushing down the stairs and out the door so he wouldn't have to face the shame since everyone knew what he was going to do.

The walk normally took about fifteen minutes, he expected that.

What he wasn't expecting was to be cornered outside Kellin's house in an alleyway by a group of kids from school, all of them with smirks on their faces.

He wasn't expecting the blows they landed on his already aching body.

He definitely wasn't expecting his jeans to be yanked down and the contents of his bag to be tipped out onto the ground.

"Oh the whore has lube? Too bad we're not gonna use it. Whores like it dry right?" One of them sneered, even forcing his lips to Vic as he spread his legs.

Vic wasn't expecting to feel cold air on his most private parts or for someone to push into him.

He wasn't expecting the pain or the sick feeling, so he passed out, so scared, so broken.

They all used him, taking turns, treating him like a broken toy, spitting on him and pressing his body into the dirt as hard as they could, loving the way he didn't move, not even realizing he had passed out.

They thought he was too much of a whore to fight it.

They left his limp body on the ground, a white substance leaking from him, blood staining the ground around him.

And when he woke up in the alleyway, he was all alone in the dark, terrified.

Red everywhere.


	21. Twenty-One

Kellin found Vic when he was leaving for school.

Well he saw the blood first, the bright red staining the chipped concrete making his stomach turn.

They he saw Vic's bag, his items everywhere and Vic's clothes ripped and sitting in a pool of blood.

Then he saw Vic, the tan legs stained with blood and a white substance that made Kellin sick.

He saw the bruises on his back and the chunks of hair the people had pulled from his head when they got too rough.

Kellin threw up.

He was crying when he turned Vic over gently, so scared that he was dead, thankful that he had a weak pulse.

He dialed 911 with shaky hands, careful not to touch any of the fluids pooled around Vic, careful not to touch him, he wanted all the evidence to stay there so they could find the assholes who hurt Vic.

Vic's bottom lip was busted open, blood dried on his chin. He had a bruise on his cheekbone, small pebbles embedded in his skin.

His eyelids looked swollen, nose stained with red, slightly crooked which told Kellin someone had broken his nose, probably from pressing his face into the ground.

His hair had been yanked out at spots, scalp red and irritated from all the friction that occurred when they pulled his hair.

His neck was covered in bites, bruises and blood from his split lip.

Pebbles were embedded in his chest and stomach too, a long bruise stretched across his stomach like someone had kicked him.

Bruises circled his wrists, blood staining his knees, thighs, even his penis.

Kellin was used to seeing rape as something glorified, something tragically beautiful with thin girls with photogenic faces getting violated.

Vic wasn't like that. Rape wasn't like that.

It was gross, dirty.

It was bruises and blood.

It was bald spots and scraped knuckles.

It was fear and heartbreak.

It wasn't beautiful, nothing to joke about, definitely not something to mock.

The paramedics arrived eventually, Kellin carefully covering Vic's modesty with his torn shirt before they got there, knowing that Vic wouldn't want anyone to see that.

"Please move sir, we need to tape off the scene." A cop ordered and Kellin was confused, he'd been so caught up he'd never noticed the numerous cop cars pull up, never noticed the new teams that were already trying to harass the officers.

Kellin numbly walked back towards the street, blood on his jeans and hands, tears on his cheeks that he didn't even notice were falling.

He couldn't breathe, thinking about all the times he'd made Vic lay down, made Vic get on his knees.

He thought about the time in the park.

He thought about the day he held Vic in his arms while he sobbed.

He thought about the day he gave up on Vic and he regretted everything.

He should have helped Vic, should have protected him instead of exploiting him.

He cried harder than ever, crying so hard he threw up right there on the sidewalk.

He felt so guilty, felt so sad, just picturing Vic's broken body, the blood that stained his face, the blood that now stained Kellin's hands.

"Sir? Are you coming in the ambulance with us? We have room." One of the paramedics asked and Kellin nodded, following her to the ambulance so he could hold Vic's hand while they drove the short distance to the hospital.

Even his hand looked bad, blood under his fingernails and bite marks covering his fingers, the backs of his hands.

Kellin was shaking, stomach turning so much as the ambulance sped towards the hospital.

It didn't take long to get there and Vic was instantly rushed into a room, machines being hooked to him and nurses swarming Kellin and Vic.

"We're gonna need a rape kit! And some extra gauzes!" Nurses were shouting all around, hoisting Vic up off the stretcher and onto the bed and it was all happening so fast Kellin was dizzy.

"Sir! You can't be in here!" And just like that, Kellin was shoved out of the room, stumbling towards a plastic chair that sat in the hallway, listening to the sound of Vic's heart monitor he could hear through the plastic curtain.

He was sweating, eyes watering and his mouth was dry when he dialed Vic's brother, glad he had his number though he wasn't quite sure why he did.

"Hi, uh Mike? This is Kellin. Vic's in the hospital. He was raped." Kellin said, hands shaking when he said what happened.

"What? What did you fucking do to him you asshole?" Mike shouted, feeling fear wash over him.

He'd been mean to Vic, made him feel attacked so he left.

And he was raped. Raped.

"I didn't do it! I found him in an alley I swear! Just come to the hospital I'm sure he'll want you when he wakes up." Kellin muttered, wiping his tears away, hating how bad his hands shook, he was just so scared, so guilty.

"Community?" Mike asked, referring to which hospital and Kellin nodded before whispering whispering small "yes" into the phone and he sighed when Mike hung up right afterwards.

Kellin wanted to throw up again when the curtain was yanked open and his eyes met Vic's wide scared ones.

Kellin couldn't breathe, tears filling his eyes when Vic's heart monitor spiked, nurses swarming him when his small body started to convulse.

And they forgot to close the curtain so Kellin watched as the monitor flatlined and the doctor pressed his hands to Vic's chest.

Kellin wanted to pass out in relief when the monitor started to beep normally again and the doctor yelled out 'we got a beat!'

But Kellin didn't have long to rejoice because soon there was a fist barreling for his face, familiar tattooed knuckles slamming into his nose.

He welcomed the pain.


	22. Twenty-Two

Mike was angry.

That much was clear.

Kellin was on the ground, hands cupped around his bleeding nose and Mike just glared down at him before walking towards Vic's room.

He was angry, sad, guilty, just so upset.

If only he hadn't yelled at Vic, if only he had supported his brother more.

If only.

Vic looked bad. He was covered in bandages and hooked to machines, one even dripping some blood into him since he'd lost so much.

His legs were still in the stirrups from his rape kit and Mike gently lowered them to hide Vic's bare skin.

Mike couldn't keep his eyes off of the bruise that decorated Vic's forearm, couldn't stop looking at the stitches on Vic's forehead.

Mike's hand gently reached out to smooth Vic's gown, shaking so hard the bed trembled a bit.

Tears filled Mike's eyes, biting his lip as he tried to keep them in but it was hard, especially when he saw Vic's report.

Victor Fuentes  
Age: 17  
Sex: male  
Reason for admittance: rape, many injuries from attack, blood loss  
Injuries:   
-broken ankle, not severe  
-sprained wrist, not severe  
-stitches in head, watch for infection  
-tearing in anus, watch for infection and disease   
-concussion, not sure of severity   
\- broken nose, not severe  
-2 broken ribs, not severe  
-chipped pelvis, not severe  
-many lacerations   
-possible STD/STI

He couldn't believe Vic had went through that much, been all alone and scared while he was violated.

And the whole time Mike had been at Tony's house, kissing him and just ranting about how fucking annoying it was to constantly have to deal with Vic's problems.

And Mike knew, he knew that Vic had issues, knew that he was bullied, he knew and he just let it happen, let their parents yell at Vic, let the kids use him in the dirty school bathrooms.

And now Vic was unconscious, IV in his arm and skin pale, looking so lifeless, so broken and Mike couldn't stop the tears that poured down his cheeks and landed on the white sheets under Vic, turning them a weird grey color.

Mike was angry, yes, but he was even more sad.

His heart hurt and he felt so much hatred for Kellin and every other person who'd ever laid their hands on his brother.

"I'm so sorry." He croaked, lips quivering and eyes filling with even more tears as he watched Vic's face, praying that his eyes would open.

He looked down at Vic's thighs, seeing the marks there, dark bruises and red scratches making Mike wince, he couldn't imagine what kind of pain he'd been in emotionally and physically.

He wondered if Vic had called for help.

If he had screamed until his voice gave out.

He wondered if Vic felt it, almost hoping that he'd been knocked out before they actually raped him.

He hoped that Vic wouldn't remember it, couldn't imagine the trauma and fear Vic would experience when he woke up.

Mike sniffled, kissing Vic's hand gently, letting his tears make the skin there wet, just sobbing until he couldn't anymore.

And Vic still hadn't woken up.

Mike sat there for hours, ignoring Kellin whenever he'd try to come in, even telling the nurses he didn't want him there, so they escorted him out so Mike could be alone with Vic.

Well, until their parents were called.

Their dad was pissed, saying if his son wasn't such a 'fucking no-good slut' he wouldn't have been raped.

"Boys can't be fucking raped anyways Michael, stop making up stories." He'd snapped, leaning against the threshold of the door, refusing to even come in the room.

"He was dad and it's not his fault!" Mike protested, even gently cupping one of Vic's ears o he wouldn't have to hear the argument even though he was very much unconscious.

"It is his fault! He dresses like a fucking prostitute! People probably thought he wanted it! Hell, he probably did. He's always been an attention whore." Their dad muttered before leaving, dragging their mom behind him.

Mike was livid. His hands were shaking and he realized at that moment that he hated his father.

He'd hit them, yelled at them, made them feel so weak and small that they didn't even fight the abuse.

And now he walked out on his own sons, all because he couldn't understand the fact that men can be raped, not believing the medical record in Vic's room.

And now Vic had no one besides Mike, maybe Kellin but Mike refused to let him near Vic.

Mike was so sad as he looked back at Vic, smiling when he saw the peaceful expression he wore, and he was almost glad that Vic hadn't woken up yet.

Being unconscious was the only way he wouldn't get hurt.

And even that couldn't always protect him, not when he could hear every word his father said.


	23. Twenty-Three

Vic woke up the next day, disoriented and sad.

His eyes had slowly opened, heart monitor spiking and Mike's hopeful face had peeked through the instantaneously.

"Vic!" He cried, leaning down to hug Vic, even kissing the top of his head, just so happy to see his brother awake.

Vic turned away, tears filling his eyes, he didn't want Mike to see him like this.

Just so dirty.

He blinked back the tears slowly, cheeks burning as he felt Mike's eyes on him.

"I was scared you wouldn't wake up Vic." Mike whispered and Vic's eyes widened, how long had he been sleeping for?

Vic raised his eyebrows in question, tilting his head slightly.

"You were asleep for two days. Doctors said it was from how scared you were, your brain was trying to protect you or some shit. But you're like covered in casts and bandages, you look so fucking hardcore bro." Mike rambled, hoping to make Vic feel a bit better about everything.

Vic managed to smile, grimacing at the pain it caused, even such a simple action hurt so much.

"I'm gonna get the nurse for you, see if she can up your morphine or something." Mike mumbled, smiling again as he walked out, leaving Vic alone to collect his thoughts.

His pelvis was pressed into the ground, pebbles digging into his skin harshly making him wince.

Hands gripped his thighs, his ass.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't even think as he felt a finger against his entrance.

No prep. No lube.

Someone pushed into him and the pain was so severe, so shocking that Vic couldn't even scream, eyes rolling back and body going limp.

Vic gasped, not noticing the way his heart monitor beeped loudly, just screaming when he felt hands on him, muffled voices making him shake.

He'd gone into a state of shock, basically unconscious as the first one finished inside him, nails scratching down his back, curses being groaned in his ear.

Again and again they used him. One after the other, coming on his back, thighs, inside him.

Vic couldn't breathe at this point, chest pressed down on the chipped asphalt, bloody nose aching as his head was pressed down.

Nurses swarmed around him, yelling something about 'shock' and 'sedatives', but Vic couldn't focus, that all too familiar fuzzy feeling washing over him.

He wasn't in the hospital, he was back in the alley.

He felt their hands, heard their moans, felt them inside him and he just kept screaming.

The doctors had to hold him down, strapping his wrists down so they could give him a sedative, a teary Mike watching.

Vic's body slumped, eyes half lidded as they injected the sedative, Vic whimpering slightly when they pulled the needle out.

Vic looked so small, tears still staining his cheeks and Mike wanted to cry even more when he saw the reopened stitches on Vic's arm, the doctors rushing to close them.

Mike sat back down, wiping his tears away while the doctors finished, telling Mike to call them if Vic so much as moved.

Mike couldn't stay in the room, having to walk to get a drink to calm his nerves, scared that Vic would never be able to recover from what happened.

Mike almost dropped his cup of water when he saw Kellin walking towards him.

"Uh, hi Mike." Kellin said, looking at the floor and Mike smiled when he saw the bruise on Kellin's cheekbone and nose.

"Kellin." Mike muttered, throwing his cup away and trying to walk past Kellin.

"I really want to see Vic. I don't even have to talk to him, I just want to see him." Kellin pleaded, even clasping his hands in front of him dramatically.

"Why should i?" Mike snapped again, glaring at Kellin who didn't look ready to back down.

"Because I found him. I fucking saved him. He would have bled out Mike." Kellin replied, hands tucked in his pockets as he rocked on his heels slowly.

"He wouldn't have been raped or been so fucked up if you had never come into his life. You can't just make up for all the shit you put him through by playing the hero Kellin. This is real life, that shit doesn't work." Mike almost yelled, shoving Kellin towards the wall.

He wouldn't let that asshole hurt his brother ever again.


	24. Twenty-Four

Vic was released from the hospital four days later, and it came as a shock to Vic and Mike, they had both been expecting to be in the hospital for at least a week, but the doctors said he was fine.

Vic couldn't even walk in his own, body so weak that he had to be wheeled out in a wheelchair by one of the nurses, Mike walking beside him.

Vic wasn't even sure where they were going to go, their parents had kicked them out, well Vic at least and Mike would never leave Vic, so he told his parents he would not be coming back.

Vic wasn't surprised to see Tony leaning against his old car, cigarette between his lips making Vic wince, thinking about how absolutely destructive that was.

He wanted to laugh at the irony.

He hurt himself, let himself get fucked by strangers and he was worried over a single cigarette?

Tony gripped his arm gently, helping him stand and get into, well more fall into, the backseat of his car.

Vic flinched when he felt a flare of pain run up his back, biting his lip to help hold the tears back.

The medicine did nothing to ease the pain, all it did was slow it down.

Mike sat up front and Vic had to remind himself not to be upset.

Tony is Mike's boyfriend. You cannot be jealous over Mike choosing to sit with him.

It didn't help though, Vic still stared dejectedly out the window the whole ride, pouting almost and Mike didn't notice until they were almost to Tony's house.

"You okay Vic?" Mike asked, too late though since they were pulling into Tony's driveway, Vic's body in so much pain, he just wanted to sleep.

Vic hated the way Mike had to almost carry him inside, Vic felt so useless.

But what's new?

Tony apparently didn't live with his parents, the small house barely enough room for Tony let alone Tony, Mike and Vic.

Which just made Vic feel that much worse.

He was in Tony's house, his brother's boyfriend's house, all because he was a fuck up.

Vic had to clench his fists, nails digging into his palm, distracting himself from all the thoughts circulating around his brain.

"Vic, you want something to eat?" Mike yelled from the kitchen and Vic just muttered a small 'no'.

Mike didn't listen though, bringing Vic a small plate of noodles, and Vic figured it was healthy enough, so he took a small bite.

A small bite turned into the plate and then two more after that, and even though Mike was smiling and kept telling Vic how proud he was, Vic still felt terrible.

His hands clutched his stomach and he just felt so sick.

He hated it, hated the pitying look he received from Tony and the way Mike gripped Tony's hand to comfort him.

All of Vic's so called 'boyfriends' had just wanted sex, they never even bothered with holding his hand or even hugging him.

And Vic couldn't walk to leave the room, so he sat there, wincing at the pain that seemed to infiltrate all of his senses, trying not to focus on the way Mike kissed Tony's neck gently. 

Vic could barely believe how quick everything seemed to happen.

One second he had been the school whore,  he'd been dressing in short shorts and crop tops and the next he was pressed to the ground of a dirty alley wishing he could just die.

And now he felt so empty, Kellin had been a lie, his parents had been a lie, he felt like his whole world was crumbling down around him.

And still he felt such pain.

Not only physical, but also in his brain, his heart, hell his fucking soul.

He'd heard about people getting raped on TV, read the tragic stories and never really thought much of them.

It can't happen to you right?

He was so wrong, hating himself for every time he giggled absentmindedly to a rape joke, hating himself for having so much sex because at the end of the day he was a whore to most people, so they all thought he wanted it.

Mike had been quiet about what had been happening at school but Vic had managed to sneak on Twitter and see all the harsh things people were posting, not only to him but to Mike as well.

He'd been beaten, raped and left for dead and they still called him a whore.


	25. Twenty-Five

Vic stared at himself in the mirror, taking a deep breath because today they got back the STD/STI test and he was so nervous.

He poked at his ribs, wincing at the pain there, the discoloration of his skin almost fascinating.

His stomach was more concaved than ever, he hadn't had much of an appetite since the attack, only eating when Mike forced him to.

His thighs didn't touch anymore, fingerprints still etched into his skin, dark bruises making him look almost dead, sick.

His hair was greasy, matted in many spots and he had no motivation to take a shower or brush his hair even though Mike had told him that he smelled a little less than fresh.

Vic's heart was thudding when he slipped his boxers back on, glad that his pain medicine seemed to be working that day even though his chipped pelvis made everything a bit harder.

He really wasn't even supposed to walk but he felt so useless just sitting on the couch and he was so restless.

He kept praying, something he hadn't done in a while, that his tests would be negative.

Those men had already hurt him enough, he didn't want a potentially deadly disease on top of it, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

And Mike had been forcing him to therapy sessions which Vic absolutely hated.

He just sat in the stiff chair, hands clasped and chin tilted down for forty five minutes until Mike got sick of it.

"I pay hundreds of dollars for you to get help Vic, but you won't even fucking try!"

Mike stopped taking him after that fight and Vic was glad, he couldn't stand therapy, but Mike shunned him for two days which hurt more than the gash on his forearm.

Mike got over it and ignored everything for the moment so he could support Vic when he got the call, even Tony was worried about the results and Tony never seemed worried.

Vic held Mike's hand, putting the phone on speaker so Mike could speak for him if Vic got scared which happened a lot.

"Hello Victor, your test results are in, are you ready to hear them?" The doctor sounded too cheerful, fake.

"Yeah." His voice was scratchy since he didn't use it that often after the attack, but the doctor must have heard him because he started speaking almost immediately.

"This isn't easy to say Vic-"

Vic froze, phone almost falling from his hand as fear gripped his heart.

Mike took the phone, and Vic noticed the way his hands shook too as they listened to the doctor.

"Your test results for HIV came back positive, you may already have noticed some symptoms, if not you will soon and you'll need to schedule with a doctor who treats HIV specifically since they'll be able to help you the best and try to ease some of the symptoms." The doctor explained but Vic didn't hear most of it, head spinning as he digested the information.

HIV.

He had HIV.

Those assholes had not only caused him broken bones and bruises, they left behind a deadly disease.

Vic put a hand over his mouth, tears slipping from his eyes and Mike quickly turned the phone off speaker so he could chat with the doctor about what symptoms Vic might have.

Tony tried rubbing Vic's back, but Vic finched away, crying even harder.

"Vic, you need to calm down, you're gonna make your body hurt even more." Tony whispered, seeing the way Vic clutched at his sore ribs everytime he moved, tears falling down his pale cheeks.

Vic couldn't breathe and he hated how much of a common occurrence that seemed to be.

And he sobbed harder when Mike walked back in with tears on his cheeks, looking so fucking sad and it broke Vic's heart even more.

He was just so dirty.

"He said it causes a weakened immune system and can, uh, lead to you, uh, y'know?" Mike mumbled, not able to admit that his brother could die because some sick people decided to rape him in an alley.

Vic nodded, resigning himself to his fate.

He remembered all the nights he he had sat in his bed just wishing he could die and now he regretted that, death was terrifying to him and he didn't want it anymore.

But it was too late, he was already so sick.


	26. Twenty-Six

"Vic, you need to eat!" Mike yelled for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, getting so frustrated because Vic wouldn't eat, refused to eat even a small meal.

"Why? I'm already gonna fucking die!" Vic snapped, eyes hard.

"No you're not! Stop talking like that Vic!" Mike replied, watching as Vic just shrugged before picking at the stitches on his arm.

"Face it Mike, I have a deadly disease." Vic muttered, wincing when pain started to throb in his arm.

"I know you do, believe me when I say I fucking know! You're not making it any easier by moping around all day Vic!" Mike snapped, just so frustrated.

"Why should I do anything when I'm just gonna die?" Vic mumbled, head tilted to the side, eyes vacant, dead.

"The doctors said they can help!" Mike protested, hating how resigned Vic acted, like he'd already accepted death and he had.

"I don't want their fucking help!" Vic shouted, voice breaking as tears started falling making him feel a bit pathetic but he had earned the right to cry whenever he wished, he deserved that at least.

"So you're gonna let yourself die? After all this shit you've worked through, you've been on meds, you tried therapy and now you're just gonna let yourself die? That's so selfish Vic!" Mike yelled and Tony had came out to see what was going on, concerned when he found Mike standing in front of a crying Vic.

"Mikey?" Tony called as he walked up behind him, gasping when he was shoved backwards a bit, Mike storming away, grabbing his keys and leaving, the sound of the door slamming ringing through Vic's ears.

"What happened Vic?" Tony asked, watching as Vic started crying even harder, shaking his head.

"I made him mad!" Vic cried, sounding so young and Tony felt his heart break a bit when he noticed blood on Vic's arm since a few of his stitches had come loose.

"He's just feeling a lot of emotions right now Vic, he's really worried. He didn't mean to upset you." Tony whispered as he used a damp towel to wipe the blood off Vic's arm.

"You know who called me the other day?" Vic blurted randomly, hands shaking by the time Tony had finished wiping the blood away.

"Who?" Tony asked, trying to be as engaged in the conversation as possible so Vic would feel a bit better about everything.

"Kellin." Vic muttered, smiling when Tony handed him a glass of water from the kitchen.

"Why'd he call you?" Tony questioned, not sure how he felt about Kellin calling Vic when he was in such a vulnerable state.

"He sounded sad. Said he regretted everything he ever did to me." Vic told Tony, wiping his eyes while he waited for Tony to reply.

"You're not planning on seeing him right?" Tony asked, knowing part of what Kellin had done to Vic in the past.

"Well he seemed really genuine." Vic responded and Tony groaned a bit.

"Vic, you need to focus on you right now not some prick." Tony told him gently, not wanting to upset Vic any more than he already was.

"I'm dying anyways so I might as well do whatever the fuck I want." Vic snapped, fingernails digging into his palms as he curled his hands into fists.

He didn't really want to go back to Kellin, but a part of him wanted to feel as dirty as possible, wanted to make himself feel like shit so he could be even more miserable.

It was sick, yes. Vic understood that, he really did, but he couldn't help but to ache for the pain, all the hurt that came from being used because at least his late night breakdowns were a little more justified.

Vic left out the part where he had been texting Kellin for almost a week. Left out the part where he'd sent Kellin pictures of him with his pants off.

He left out the part where Kellin had Skyped him and watched as Vic touched himself.

He left out the part where he had spent half an hour in the bathroom throwing up afterwards.

Vic was going to die, so he might and well accept it.

And maybe being with Kellin made that happen because he felt more dead than ever and he was still breathing.


	27. Twenty-Seven

Kellin held Vic gently, almost too gently as he kissed his collarbone.

Vic's body was pressed against the mattress of Kellin's bed, Kellin hovering over him, eyes so full of something.

Vic had told Kellin about the HIV and he wasn't prepared for what Kellin said.

"I know I haven't been the best person, I've been fucking terrible honestly, but I know that you're hurting in more ways than one and I will never hurt you again. I'm gonna be by your side through this, okay?"

Vic didn't know whether or not to believe him, but when Kellin went no further than pressing kisses into Vic's skin, whispering comforting words against Vic's skin.

Vic had went to Kellin's after getting into yet another fight with Mike, just wanting to calm down, he had expected Kellin to make him do something more than just cuddle in his bed and watch Finding Nemo.

"I'm sorry that you got raped Vic. You didn't deserve that. No one does. And the thought that I was only a small distance away in my apartment still fucks with me, I can't imagine how you feel." Kellin whispered randomly and Vic shivered a bit, Kellin pulling the blanket tighter around their bodies.

"Not your fault Kellin." Vic muttered, remembering all the times Kellin had used him, all the nasty things Kellin had called him.

"I've been an ass to you Vee, you know I have. I fucking abandoned you when you needed me the most because I was fucking scared." Kellin snapped, anger all directed at himself, not Vic.

"I'm over it now." Vic whispered, lying a bit, but Kellin had seemed like he changed.

Vic was always too nice for his own good.

Kellin's body pressed into Vic's a bit as he rested his chin on Vic's shoulder, neither of them paying mind to the movie they had put on.

"I know you're not over it. You shouldn't be. I hurt you, used you, manipulated you. You should never be over that Vic." Kellin told him, fingers gently tickling Vic's side.

"You did hurt me. Quite a lot actually but I'm kind of dying now and I'm too weak to hold a grudge anymore. I just want to live my last few years in peace." Vic responded after a minute, taking Kellin's hand in his own.

Vic knew it might backfire on him, he knew that Kellin could very well decide to use him again but he was over ignoring the risks.

Kellin's breath puffed against his neck and Vic smiled a bit when he realized Kellin was asleep.

Again, Vic was too nice for his own good.

The words Kellin had whispered had been nice, they had been honest too but Vic forgave far too quickly.

Vic was dying.

The doctor had told him that the treatment wouldn't work for Vic, that he had to just wait it out and let the disease take its toll.

Vic would rather trick himself into thinking that he and Kellin could actually work instead of spending his last years in his brother's apartment or worse, having to crawl back to his parents.

Vic's eyes were trying to close but Vic didn't want to let himself be that vulnerable around Kellin yet, not after everything that had happened between them in the past.

He felt Kellin's lips brush across his neck and flinched a bit because he had thought Kellin was asleep but apparently not.

Kellin shifted a bit so Vic's hips were flush against Kellin's, Kellin's hands sneaking under Vic's shirt and just resting there.

"Have you been eating Vee?" Kellin asked sleepily, feeling how concave Vic's stomach seemed.

"Not really." Vic whispered back, tired of lying all the time.

"You need to." Kellin told him, feeling so sad that someone  beautiful did something so absolutely destructive.

"Mike's been telling me that enough, I don't need you on my case too." Vic muttered, Kellin gently tracing patterns over his hip bones to help him calm down.

"I just worry about you. You're sick, you need to eat baby." Kellin reminded him, kissing Vic's back gently.

"I know I'm sick. I think about it every night, how could I not?" Vic asked, sighing as he felt a wave of exhaustion press hard on his eyelids.

"What they did was so fucking evil Vic, but you're strong and you can do this."

Such nice words to fall alseep to.


	28. Twenty-Eight

Mike thought Vic was an idiot.

He thought he was so fucking stupid, but he still loved Vic, trying to understand why he was packing his things to move in with Kellin.

Vic's arms were shaking as he lifted boxes, the disease having attacked his immune system already and giving him a small cold.

Mike knew that was dangerous for Vic, even the smallest little cold could make him die, but he seemed to be okay, or as okay as he could be.

"Let me help you Vic." Mike mumbled, he didn't want to help Vic, not because he was an ass but because he didn't want his brother moving in with someone like Kellin.

Kellin had used Vic, had been so awful and Vic was running back like a lost puppy.

Mike had noticed Vic getting even more thin than he already was, his shoulders and collarbones looking like glass, eyes always looking so heavy and it was truly heartbreaking.

Vic had even started eating two meals a day and it still didn't seem to help as the pounds just kept falling off and he was just so weak all the time.

Vic was so fragile, so small and weak, dying and Mike couldn't help him.

Hell the doctors couldn't help him.

He was falling apart, so vulnerable that he had fallen for Kellin and his sickly sweet words again.

Mike knew Vic was stupid when Kellin came to pick him up, gripping his arm a bit too tightly and kissing him a bit too roughly and Vic just smiled.

Mike was sure Vic was stupid when he let Kellin grope his ass right in front of Mike, acting like nothing was even going on.

Kellin was giving Mike harsh looks whenever Vic had his back turned and Mike had no clue why.

Kellin was angry, he couldn't believe that Mike thought he was a bad guy, thought he just wanted to hurt Vic.

Kellin wanted Vic to himself. It was selfish, Kellin knew that, but he didn't care.

He'd been selfish all his life, why change now?

Vic was in a trance, caught up in the green-blue of Kellin's eyes and the way his voice sounded like a song. He couldn't help but to fall even more for Kellin even if it hurt him in the long run.

Vic was dying anyways, why prolong the inevitable?

Mike looked so dissapointed when Vic put the last box in Kellin's car, and Vic could have sworn he saw a tear on Mike's cheek.

To Mike their goodbye felt like the last, like he was sending his brother away to a war in which he was destined to lose.

Tony had to hold Mike after Vic left, seeing his boyfriend break down in his arms over something that could have been stopped.

Mike almost had a heart attack when he went into the bathroom and saw Vic's prescription bottle on the counter with a small note. 

I won't need these anymore, I've accepted my fate.

-Vic

Vic had accepted the fact that he was going to die, he was okay with it.

That thought broke Mike's heart even more until his tears stained the note and made the pen run down the paper.

He'd made a promise to Vic all those nights ago, promised that he'd help Vic live whenever he wanted to die, promised that he never bury his brother.

Mike was a liar.

He knew that Vic would die and he couldn't stop it.

No amount of hugs and therapy sessions could cure what Vic had, it was too late.

Mike was too late.

He should have stopped Vic that night after their argument and he would have never been raped.

He would have never gotten a deadly disease.

And Mike wouldn't have to live the rest of his life feeling so undeniably guilty.

That may have been selfish, but Mike didn't care.

Love is selfish and Mike realized that as he clutched the medicine bottle to his chest and prayed that Vic would be okay.

He had to be.


	29. Twenty-Nine

Vic was weak.

He had a fever, skin hot to the touch and he couldn't stop coughing, small body shaking with each dry cough that ripped from him.

Kellin hated Vic.

He hated the way Vic would look at him with wide brown eyes that seemed to make every secret and apology Kellin had been holding in pour from his lips like a promise.

Kellin hated that Vic was dying. He hated that Vic was so small and weak, hating how Vic still offered to get Kellin off even when Kellin said he wouldn't touch someone diseased.

Kellin hated Vic but fuck he loved him.

Kellin would bring him hot chocolate and a warm cloth whenever he was cold. He'd let Vic cuddle with him whenever his body wouldn't stop shaking.

He took Vic on small trips to the park, carrying him when Vic got too fatigued to walk.

It was fucked up really, Kellin used Vic then treated him like a king and Vic either didn't notice or was too sick to say anything.

Kellin was fucked up, or at least he thought so.

He found himself wanting to kiss Vic and touch him, make him feel good and he also wanted to yell at him and make him feel bad for making Kellin feel like he did.

"Hey Vic, you want to watch a movie with me? Maybe we could watch Aladdin?" Kellin asked, Vic's small body curled up on the bed asked he coughed into a small cloth.

Vic couldn't even speak, just nodding his head, motioning for Kellin to get in bed with him.

Kellin couldn't resist Vic's stare, curling up behind him as he pressed play on the remote, Aladdin starting to play.

"Vic, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry." Kellin whispered, kissing Vic's cheek gently, as if the gesture would make up for how awful he'd been.

Vic just shrugged, coughing again and Kellin winced at the sound, so raw and broken.

Kellin couldn't help but to wonder how long Vic had left, knowing that the disease had already taken over so much.

"You know I love you?" Kellin asked and Vic just shrugged again and Kellin felt a flash of irritation run through him but he pressed it down.

He always got too angry and let it make him do stupid things which led to Vic getting hurt and Vic was already hurt enough.

Vic's small body was shaking again, thin wrists visible from under his sleeves and it broke Kellin's heart to see someone who used to be so strong and confident reduced to someone who looked absolutely shattered.

Kellin could hardly remember the old Vic, the one who would prance around school and wear makeup and skirts, the Vic who seemed to not give a fuck about anything or anyone besides himself.

Kellin gently rubbed Vic's stomacg, knowing that it had been bothering Vic lately which was very concerning.

"

Do you want to see Mike tomorrow? I know you've been missing him." Kellin asked, smiling when Vic nodded, maybe he wasn't completely gone yet, he just needed a little motivation and Mike always made Vic seem a bit happier.

"I miss Mikey." Vic whispered, voice strained from his cough and eyes teary from the pain but he manged to smile anyways.

"I know you do Vee and we can go see him." Kellin was trying so hard, much harder than he ever had with anyone else, just trying to be nice and put Vic's needs and wants before his,  just hoping it'd make Vic hate him a little less.

Though from the way Vic cuddled into him Kellin started to think that maybe Vic had already forgiven him.

"Thanks Kells, so nice." Vic mumbled and Kellin's heart broke a bit when Vic said that.

Vic thought that was nice, and yeah it was but he just sounded so damn appreciative, like he'd expected Kellin to be an ass forever.

Kellin couldn't really blame him though.

He'd put Vic through so much, treated him well then treated him like trash, complimented him before calling him a whore and he knew that Vic was hurt so much by all those mean, hateful things Kellin did to him.

Kellin had been raised with everything he needed, his parents weren't strict, they had money and all of it just went to his head and turned him into some kind of monster and Vic made him become himself again and it was terrifying.

That night Kellin pushed Vic to the other side of the bed gently, just wanting space to try and reflect on everything.

Of course Vic just flopped back over and wrapped his leg over Kellin's thighs, nose buried in Kellin's shoulder as he snored quietly.

Maybe change wouldn't be such a bad thing.


	30. Thirty

Kellin knew that Vic didn't have long, even Vic himself knew that he was dying quickly but they didn't expect everything to fall apart so soon.

Vic's skin was waxy, ribcage burning as he coughed so hard blood dribbled down his chin and tears followed quickly, gasping Kellin's name over and over.  
-  
HIV causes a condition called acquired immunodeficiency syndrome — better known as AIDS. HIV destroys a type of defense cell in the body called a CD4 helper lymphocyte.  
-

Vic's immune system was so complete destroyed, his cells weak, not able to even handle a small cold let alone the dangers of flu season.

Kellin didn't expect it to happen so fast, he should have been prepared, shouldn't have fallen asleep on the couch.

If he hadn't he would have heard Vic's weak cries, would have heard him scrambling for his phone to call Mike as his chest got tight.

He would have heard Vic's phone shatter as it hit the floor, would have heard the loud raspy breaths rattling Vic's ribcage.

He may have felt the way the bed shook as Vic tried to push himself up.

He may have heard Vic's last small whisper, voice scratchy and weak.

"Love you..Kells."

He may have heard the way Vic's body crashed down to the floor, his legs too weak to support him when he went to stand.

He may have seen Vic crawling towards the door, hand on his chest and blood dripping on the floor.

He definitely would have seen Vic's eyes meet his as he collapsed against the floor right in front of the couch.

If only he had went and checked on Vic, maybe things would have been different.

Maybe he wouldn't have ended up in the hospital morgue, shaky finger pointing towards Vic's body, stomach turning and tears blinding him.

Maybe he wouldn't have had to say his goodbyes to a cold body, Vic's limbs stiff and his eyes surrounded by dark circles and he just looked so dead.

He was dead.

That realization made Kellin's stomach lurch and he had to bend over a trashcan, throwing up until his throat burned.

He sat back up, eyes meeting Mike's through the glass and Kellin would never forget the look on Mike's face when he saw his big brother laid out on a cold metal table with only a thin gown to hide his modesty.

Kellin said his apologies and promises over and over in his mind.

'I'm so sorry for what I did. I'll never be able to forgive myself Vic, never. I love you, i will always love you until the end of time and I'm sorry if I wasn't very good at showing that. I know you always wanted to go to the aquarium and I'm really sorry I never took you. I know you wanted a family, I'm sorry that you'll never have that. You really wanted to go to that bookstore too and i was too much of a dick to take you and I'm ao fucking sorry for that. You always told me that you forgave me but i will never forgove myself for all the pain i caused you. I know you were hurting and I'm so, so fucking sorry.'

Mike soon joined him and the cries that poured from his lips and crawled up his throat would haunt Kellin forever.

The sight of Mike burying his face in Vic's hospital gown made his heart break and he had to excuse himself, feeling dizzy, heart pounding and his mouth was dry.

He just couldn't believe it.

He couldn't fucking believe it.

Vic, sweet little Vic was dead.

The Vic who had once been so nice, the Vic who had liked to watch The Little Mermaid while cuddling with Kellin, the Vic who had loved Kellin and Mike was dead.

Kellin pressed a hand to his mouth, guilt making him gag again, knees collapsing as he fell to the floor.

Vic had been walking to Kellin's house when he was attacked by the sick bastards who gave him HIV, the very disease that led to his death.

If Kellin had been a decent human being those first few months he'd known Vic and been his friend instead of fuck buddy, Vic would probably still be alive.

Kellin could see through the window from his position on the floor, could see when Mike grabbed Vic's body, burying his face in Vic's stomach, the sobs echoing off the glass and Kellin could feel their vibrations, ribcage pouring and throat aching as sobs clawed up his throat again.

I love you Vic. I love you Vic. I love you Vic. I love you Vic.

The words were like a mantra in his head, making a headache form as he watched as Vic's body was slid into the cabinet, door shutting and he was gone.

Just like that.


	31. Thirty-One

Vic's funeral was small, Kellin standing under a small tree, unable to support himself as he watched Mike speak, Tony standing beside him comfortingly.

His voice sounded so weak, hurting Kellin's ears in a way, making his heart thud and guilt to pour from every part of his soul.

He just couldn't believe that Vic was gone.

He also couldn't help but to feel responsible for his death.

The guilt made it hard to breathe, choking him and making him feel so sick.

And he had wanted to change.

Kellin was the last one to leave the funeral, just sitting at Vic's tombstone and running his fingers over the patch of dirt that covered Vic's coffin.

His tears mixed with the dirt and his clothes were ruined by the time he was able to stand up and drag himself back to his empty apartment.

He made sure to stop and visit the alley that he had found Vic's body in.

He remembered the blood, the bruises, the way Vic looked so broken and the thought had him on his knees in a dark alley and a part of him wished those men would come for him so he could feel the pain Vic felt.

He wanted to hurt, wanted to feel all the hurt and sorrow he'd made Vic feel.

That explains why Kellin found himself bent over a dirty bar table later that night, no lube, no prep, just raw pain.

And he still felt so guilty.

He'd already made amends with Mike at the funeral. Mike was still angry but he was able to be civil and tell Kellin that it wasn't all his fault.

Kellin didn't believe him.

So when the man asked him if he wanted to come home with him, he did.

When the man made him blow him in the shower, he did.

He liked to close his eyes and imagine he was Vic, imagine that he was truly feeling his pain.

He became a shell of who be used to be, weak, submissive to a man he'd met in a shitty bdsm bar.

But maybe Vic would be able to forgive him.

Most days he found himself with his wrists bound and mouth gagged as the man fucked him, pulling his hair and slapping his skin until Kellin wanted to beg for mercy, beg for death.

The man would strap him to walls, beds, machines, anything that would make Kellin feel small and powerless.

Kellin was broken, but it was worth it because he understood.

He understood why Vic had ever started sleeping around.

He understood how Vic felt that day in the park.

He understood how Vic felt each time he laid down for Kellin.

He understood how dirty it felt to be covered in come and bruises.

He understood.

But it didn't change the fact that Vic was dead and Kellin had played a part in it.

No number of bruises, no amount of blood, no number of lashings could take that back.

And that was the worst truth of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who read this! I loved writing it!  
> -Cas

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you!
> 
> -Cas


End file.
